


A Royal Affair

by Quandisa



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Arranged Marriage, Dom/sub, Drama, Fluff, Forced Marriage, Lesbian Sex, Multi, Public Sex, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, sub zone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:41:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 40,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23470354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quandisa/pseuds/Quandisa
Summary: A prince and a princess. They're as lovely as can be, but secret lies between them and will keep these two from being three.
Relationships: Blue Zircon & Yellow Zircon (Steven Universe), Blue Zircon/Yellow Zircon (Steven Universe)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. The Wedding Night

Block after block was awashed with a flood of gaily costumed humanity, rose petals rained from streamer draped windows as girls waved down at anyone and everyone, for on this day everyone became a little more royal. 

All gawked to see the splendor of the nation on full display. When the carriage rolled from fairy tale to the front of the ancient cathedral, the hooves were silent on the thick bed of flowers and ribbons. Then again, who could hear for the roaring crowd? Not that it had paused the princess in her indecent chatter. No. She filled that ornate, silk-lined, gilded compartment with rude noise until the door opened.

The gown was nearly her body weight, the jewels at her throat were worth as much as the city block, and she preened in the roar. Over the threshold she stepped and at last saw her blue-eyed prince. Second heir to the throne, prince of this new nation, the man she was abandoning her shackles for. He was every bit as handsome as she had dreamed, but much skinnier. A perfect flaw for a bride-groom, as isn’t it the wife’s job to see to her husband’s stomach? A round middle is a source of pride, and a sign of contentment. 

Her last steps as a daughter grew her smile. Yet, her intended etched frown deepened upon his face. This was noted, and forgotten, as getting married is very exhausting. She made her solemn vows with all the gaiety of a girl fresh from school. Her husband gravely intoned his as if vowing life and limb to his country. 

If the crowd before was deafening, the cheer that went up was enough to knock them back. Even the proud band was muted by the people’s glee. As her gown filled a carriage they traveled separately to the ancient dining hall of his ancestors. Timbers as old as the nation flew conquered flags and rosy cheeked cherubs that wished to accent her crown with flowers. Through the whole party two thoughts voiced her transcendental joy,  _ I’m queen! I’m free!  _

Exotic wine flowed until dawn, and she laughed like it was going out of fashion. She was loathed to leave, but at some point her hand maids dragged her off so she could pass out in a manner befitting a queen.

She awoke in silk sheets on a bed the size of a room. Her head was pounding, her mouth tasted of vomit, but she didn’t care. She was free!

“Verdi! Verdi! Breakfast! Sausages, and French cheeses! American coffee and German wines! Oh all of it!” 

The lady pushed in, with a simple tray. “My lady, the prince is eager to speak with you, in private,” she added with a giggle.

“Oh by all means! Quick! Away with the tray!” The blonde lowered her neckline and arranged herself. “ Wait! How do I look?”

“Enchanting, my lady.” She ducked through the small door as a demanding knock started on her door. Cooing the bade her prince in. 

Even with the magnificent doors, the prince was towering, his dark hair was slicked back and held with a colored ribbon. His broad shoulders were dragged in gilded ropes and a military style jacket that hugged his buttocks. By his side, a ceremonial sword hung. 

“My prince, how I’ve missed you! Come, this bed is so cold this morn.” 

Hopes rose as his men were dismissed.

“The letter, didn’t you read it?!” He paced in front of the fire.

“Which letter? Was it the one in which you trace the road to an heir with your lips?” She dragged her fingers between her breasts and thighs. 

“I never sent such a thing! You mistake me, madame, with your other lovers.”

“I’m shocked! Here I lay, in my virgin bed, and speak of lovers! My husband of hours! Wait, am I with maiden head?” This was not how she imagined feeling after a fevered night of coupling.

The prince scoffed, “My princess, if you ever had it, it remains, and it shall know no threat from me.”

The blonde was visibly confused.

“That’s what I wanted to see you, despite your hangover. Know this, Princess Zareen Flavio Jacinth Mutra Diamond, you will never bear my child.”

It was if someone had dumped her soul in the frozen waters of the north.

“What?! What is the meaning of this?!”

“It is as simple as that. I have no intentions of consummating this marriage. You’ll be left to your own devices. Have as many bastards as you like. I’ll raise them as my own. Try to keep your antics down low and we’ll have no problems.”

“No problems?!” Zareen’s golden eyes flashed with anger. “I’m fine with your mistresses! Half of London keeps a diary of them in alphabetical order, but I will not surrender my right as your lawful wife to carry your children! Your seed is mine first! How dare you come in here with these preposterous proposals! It is a princesses only job to maintain an untouchable air until they are wed, then they are bred! If I do not fulfill my duty I’ll be thrown out into the despising crowd! Divorced! Unworthy! It’d be the ruin of me and my house! Are you so cruel, sir?!”

His noble back was to her.

“Those are my terms. I will protect you in this union as long as you wish to stay. I will not have vipers turn my ear against you.”

“Is this a joke, sir?!”

He said nothing.

A pillow hit his back. His voice cracked in a feminine manner. “Did you throw that at me?!”

“No, Prince Alexandre, must have been struck by Venus’s will. Now, why don’t you stop all this foolishness and fill my royal throne.” She drew the hem of her gown up to the end of her stockings, and waved her upright knee in open invitation. The lingering look traveled down her thigh before her prince grabbed the hilt of his saber. 

“I’ve plainly stated my terms under which we are to live, if you find it intolerable I suggest you take some time to process them and then we can make other arrangements. I still wish you’d heeded the warning in that letter. I’ll leave you to your own. I trust you can handle the guests.” With that he bowed and left.

“Letter! Letter! Letter!” Zareen spat, throwing pillows. “ Verdi, can you believe the nerve of him?!” 

The maid was quick to return. 

“I wouldn’t have a clue, your highness. Would you like the bed or the table?”

“Bed. He will not ruin my honeymoon! Want me to turn tail over a silly little letter! Honestly! And what’s all this nonsense about not giving me a child? In what way am I objectionable?! I had twenty suitors in my mother’s house! Every evening I had more than one on my arms!”

Breakfast was set up and the two took their coffee.

“I remember. You were a shameless flirt, had Pearl following you everywhere to keep you decent. And the things you’d say regardless.” Verdi tsked. “But despite your behavior, no man in their right mind would reject you. Yours is a rare beauty. Your looks drive men to madness with desire. More the shame.”

The blonde purred. “My silvered tongue lady.” She reached over for a croissant kiss. “Naughty, naughty! I am a married woman now! We can’t be playing such games.” 

“Weren’t you the one bragging that you would be the most only woman to have more mistresses than her husband?”

“Hm, I do seem to recall that. No matter. I shall have him crawling into my bed in no time. Until then, there is much to celebrate!”


	2. To Date a Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does one date royalty?

Two years ago…

“I hear the prince has eyes as blue as the sea! And that he has a hundred stables with the finest stables!

“His brother recently married. Do you think she was handsome, Lord Douglas?” Zareen asked.

“Hm, I should not think that the prince would marry a young lady if she was not she was not possessing of considerable beauty.” Was the reply. 

The lass twirled a rose the shape of her lips near her cheek. 

“Do you think  _ I _ possess such beauty?”

The prince’s consort rolled his eyes. “My lady, as I am a married man, it would not do to see beauty in any save my own, but the prince is a collector of many objects of fine art. He is fond of paintings and has set his hopes on a young Parisian artist to capture his blushing bride. A talented young man who is now employed by the royals and any who can afford him.”

“A royal painter! Oh I hope he is young! Mother and father have this bore of an old croon that does all of ours. So dull! Who even allows the elderly to keep the company of the rest of us? All lessons that mean nothing! How is one to keep wisdom in their head if the prattling of the forgetful would push all it out? I mean-”

Lord Douglass cleared his throat. “One would do well to reflect on one’s words before birthing them. There is the effect it could have on the company.”

“You speak of things like Pearl. How she lectures! See how even now the tip of her generous nose peeks out from the myrtles! When I am queen I say see she never follows me into another room again.”

Under Pearl’s ever watchful eye, they took a turn about the courtyard as the princess continued her rude speech while dreaming of her prince.

It was at one of her parents' parties when Lord Douglass saw the girl at her worse. The princess was a flirt. Even though she was not allowed to dance with any man to whom she was not related, she had a knack for surrounding herself with finely dressed gentlemen and bending their ear with scandal when Pearl was distracted and that wasn’t often. It seemed there was a game to see how many times the princess could enter a room and lose her nanny in the search to bat her eyes at someone new. 

Her parents were quick to provide apologies and sing of every desirable trait of their daughter. Queen Dinah spent much time recounting the happy unions of her older children, and was quick to give credit to her own choices of tutors.

Pearl managed to find her wayward charge and dragged her to a ladies parlor in an attempt to keep the child from embarrassing herself further. Just because the prince was interested didn’t mean he couldn’t smell something rotten and turn heel.

Left with an order to stay in place with the older women, Zareen crossed her arms and went to look for her maid. Instead, she spied a new face trying to disappear into the loveseat. Young, but well on her way to spinsterhood, she had poorly curled raven locks that were caught behind her comically large, round wire glasses. Her dress, while not completely plain, was many seasons out of date, and ill fitted. Must have been a cast off. She had on reason to be here, a point she must have been painfully aware of as she fiddled with the edge of her gloves. Oh what fun!

Approaching from behind, she leaned over the back of the love seat, letting her jewels fall against her victim and her bosoms to swell up, threatening to spill from their corseted confinement. 

“Oh there you are!” She sang out.

The brunette nearly jumped out of her skin, then saw the display behind her, and leapt to her feet. “P-pardon?”

“I’ve been looking for you all night!”

“Excuse me? I think-”

“Of course! I’ll be happy to show you!” With practiced speed, Zareen had the woman’s arm and was dragging the panicked thing away with much protest.

“I’m not who you think-”

“Hush! I want to be in that crypt as much as you! Now play along or-!”

“Princess? Where are you going?” Ever near Pearl materialized.

“My new friend is in need of refreshing, and I could use the walk, so I’m escorting her. Unless you want to show her-?”

“Fine! Fine! But I’ll come looking for you soon. You know how your mother-”

“My fine, wise, and youthful mother! I think she was looking for you!”

With Pearl distracted by the prospect of serving her mistress, Zareen bustled her captive into a hall. 

“Pray, I thank you, but I think you are confused.”

“Not confused, desperate! They’ll send me to confinement soon! What’s the point of having a party if it’s not to thoroughly enjoy the company? It’s the duty of every young lady to spend the night in the arms of a handsome man. How else is she to defend herself when she is faced with a lifetime shackled to a corpse? Lovely memories are the only mercy one is allowed. You know. You’re dreading marriage.” The blonde found a gilded mirror and took the opportunity to make herself less decent.

“How did you know?”

“Darling! You look like you want to run home and cry!” She turned and took the brunette’s hands. “You’re handsome enough. Cheeks, smooth skin, kissable lips. You just need a new dress and you can be pawed by any decaying pervert.”

“Um… thanks? B-b-but I’m not hus-husband hunting. I’m here to support my cousin. She’s the one about to debut. I-I’m going to be a teacher,” she said with overconfidence. 

“Bookish? Oh how adventurous! But then you’ll always be beholden to your family.” She coyishly fanned herself and wandered down the hall.

“You speak as if any of us have a choice. It was part of God’s commandments to obey and serve.”

“Oh the Bible! “For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.” She opened her fan over her left ear. “Doesn’t it make you wonder?”

The woman was too stunned to properly form a thought let alone articulate a response.

“Now, are you going to continue your gauche manners or shall I know the name of my co-conspirator?”

“Conspiracy?! There’s no-!” Her lips were sealed by the tip of the fan.

“Did you really want to go back to listening to the pains and belly aches of old hags?”

She shook her head, so the fan was removed.

“Good, name.”

“Al-Zandra. It’s an old name.”

“Well, Al-Zandra, in precisely fifty two seconds, my loathsome nanny/governess, Pearl will come scolding down here to put the fear of Christ in me. If you would be so kind as to feign a faint I shall bolster you back to my room. When Pearl is satisfied you are on the road to recovery you can do as you damn well please. I will whisk away to a roulette wheel and ever flowing wine!”

“So you gamble?”

“Only when I’m bored. There she is! Quick!”

Zandra started hyperventilating, and reached out for Zareen’s fan.

“Ooo! Different! I knew I’d like you.

“Help! Help! My friend has fallen ill!” She helped the lady’s head into the cradle of her breasts, and started fanning the red face with vigor. Other guests encircled them with worried looks before Pearl pushed her way forward with a raised eyebrow.

“She needs to lie down, the poor thing! Don’t you agree, Pearl?”

“How is it someone always faints towards the end of the night?”

“The nerve! You never even met sweet Al-Zandra before tonight. Now will you stand there idle or will remember your Christian duty?”

Spinsters who spend years in a classroom give looks to curl toe nails, sadly Zareen had built an immunity from the crib. Zandra had no such luck and faked fainting just to escape. With a batting of lashes, the princess managed to get some men to help haul the new friend to her bedroom that was definitely closer than anything else, despite the stairs. The brunette was placed on the princess’s bed and tended to by a suspicious Pearl who had to be waved off by Zareen who insisted the patient needed air and the open window wasn’t enough as all the people were greedily sucking it up with their lungs.

Free from eyes Zareen was quick to uncover forbidden cosmetics, and apply them with practiced ease.

“Wait! You can’t be serious! How can you abandon me here?”

“You will be fine. Slip out after me if you wish to escape social obligations and odd questions. Or wait here for my return and we can explore “dishonorable passions.” ” 

“I have no idea what you are talking about! You give the impression of being an immodest gossip monger!”

“Oh dear! Merely the impression? I thought I embodied all that and worse.” With a giggle and a wink she was gone. Her new friend watched from the window for a while before quitting the house altogether to write a letter.


	3. A Princess on a Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can only dance for so long before remembering you need to get laid.

The weeks that followed were a non-stop party with the most royal and the most powerful. Zareen spent the days ordering dresses, gossiping with young wives, and touring the grounds where tea, and games flowed freely. At night she might see her husband, hands neatly folded behind his back talking to older men who brag about their former glory days on the battlefield. It was nearly perfect.

While this was everything she had wanted, minus one or two thick things, there was a growing irritation. 

“Sure she’s a tempting arm, but why is she never with the prince?  _ Those _ people are always uppity. At least the ones not consuming earth apples. Maybe it wasn’t the prince’s choice.”

It was enough to drive a woman to drink, which she did, day and night. Even as she waited alone in her bed. While she slept off her hangovers rumors oozed from the coveted grounds. It was something to be slandered with the truth, it was another when it was lies.

When dancing swole her feet it was time to deal with her absentee husband. Before dinner she sashayed her way to his office that was occupied by his entourage. Some were smoking and chuckling about their own honeymoons, others were at the prince’s elbows going over reports. 

“Lord Douglass, how you delight my eyes.” She wedged herself in, and took hold of her husband’s arm. “If I were to live a thousand lifetimes I don’t think I’d find an adequate way of expressing my gratitude for you procuring me such a prize of a husband. Handsome, winsome, and oh so generous. I thought I would be destined to spinsterhood until you brought him to me.” 

“Oh come now madame! A fine filly as yourself had no shortage of suitors. I believe I saw many of them in your parlor during our time together.”

“Naturally, I was not in want of company, but it was always so dull. Not one among them possessed the passions of a true man. Women are too idle to cultivate meaningful fascinations. What does one wonder when they have a house to run, tea to drink, and dresses to order?”

One of the men chuckled, “Handsome, level headed, and wrapped in Venus’s veil; I’m green, your highness. Truly the future is bright as your wife’s smile.”

She faked an embarrassed giggle. 

The prince sighed under his breath.

“My princess, what brings you here?”

“I missed you! My prince is the only one that can fill the hole in my heart. I would be by your side always.” 

“This is no place for you.”

“If it’s where you are, then nature demands I shall be there too. Besides, I crave the company of men.”

“Darling,” It nearly sounded like a threat. “I will not have you stressed by these matters. It’s not good for your health.”

That sent the men to laughing and predicting a new little prince would be on the way. Zareen was quick to join them in the happy speculations, until she was dragged away to an empty adjoining room.

“Oh your majesty! Have I stirred your base desires? We can work on the family right here if you like.” She batted her eyes and tried to pull away to the lounge but was held fast.

“What foolishness are you up to?”

“Oh you’re so rough! Let’s get rougher.”

“Woman!”

“Yours” She purred to the reddening face.

“You have your party, your drink, your games, your pretty boys to play with! Why bother me at my work?!”

“Work? It’s your honeymoon! The only thing you should be working on is beneath my skirt.” She was tossed away.

“That’s what this is about?! I’ve made the position clear, and it is unmoving! Go have your fun and leave me be! You have to use for the reports of parliament! Plus, what would they say if I kowtow to my wife!”

“Oh, so my staying out is more of a matter for your pride as a man?! What? I go in there and your jewels rot off? I shall fetch a doctor at once to insure the future of the crown is secure.” 

“I already have a doctor! I’ve had the same doctor since the day I was born and I need no other!”

“Well, that’s foolish! The prince is being treated by some senile stiff? I will call the best-”

“I will have no other! Since you’re so concerned with my health why not discuss it with my mother?!”

“Oh? Shall I mention how cold I’ve slept this past fortnight?”

The prince pinched his brow and sighed. “If my delicate, blushing bride is jumping at shadows, then I shall join you to stoke the fires.”

A cat’s smile unfurled on the blonde’s face. “You will fetch me yourself, or I shall make merry with your countrymen again.”

Zareen always got what she wanted. True to his word, late in the night, he summoned his princess away from her drink and follies and walked her passed the court’s eyes on his arm to their private chambers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will get better with time. In fact... y'all might have to read this whole story twice.


	4. Fairies and Treasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Princess follies at a place downtown where an odd fairy can pop up and bewitch you.

“Do you have any sixes?”

“Go fish.”

“Princess Zareen, do you have-”

“Here! Take them all!” The sulking teen tossed her cards to the table, and crossed her arms. “I’m sick of the game! Three times a week, every week since I was born!”

“Mayhaps, her highness would prefer a reading from the good book,” Threatened Pearl, only reigning her tongue for the sake of Lord Douglass.

“Oh, how repetition has that scripture running circuits in my mind until I shout not scream from nightmares, but Bible versus in the dead of the night!” 

How the schoolmarm preened! “Only the purest of maidens could confess to keep the word in her heart and mind both day and night.”

Her student was less thrilled, and her distress brought their guest quiet amusement.

“Why can’t we join mother and father? My siblings get have the right to their parents at all hours of the day? What magic transforms a child to being worth on a wedding night?”

“If you have to ask then I’ve done my duty.” Pearl shuffled the cards. “It’s very late, a growing lady should get her rest.”

“Lo! I hear the blue bird greet the shining sun!”

“Yes, Verdelite, take your lady to her chambers and see she gets her rest.”

The maid put her book away, curtsied and obeyed. Her mistress was quick to give a dramatic farewell to Lord Douglass to share her ire with keeper. Free from prying eyes, Zareen ordered a bath, a dress, and a barred door. What a chore it was to scrub oneself while their maid readied clothes and make up. 

“You cannot be serious. The prince’s right hand is here to grade you, and you want to run off to a hall for fun?” Verdie toweled off the blonde’s back.

“How many years have I done this? In most professions age only improves one’s skill. Oh don’t stay down there, dear. I’ll never leave.” She smirked at the girl on her knees, drying off her legs.

“Maybe I should. If you marry a prince, I could get a raise. Enough to buy a house for me mum.”

“Or my husband will be jealous and insist on installing his own people, and you will find yourself on the street hoping for a school house to take you.”

“Such a gamble.” She rose to toweled be-twist the royal breasts. “Is not our love risk enough? Why can I not rest assured that I shall have a night?”

Zareen caught her wrists.

“I have neglected you. Have you laid with burning shame? It’s been a trial with this blade over my neck. How long is one to hold breath while waiting for paradise?”

“I know.” Verdi kissed the long fingers. “So let us visit heaven for that brief moment while waiting for the fallen blade. You sleep so much better in my breasts than your fine pillows.”

The blonde groaned with indecision. It had been a week since she last slipped out, but nearly twice that long since she’d made a beast with two backs.

“Oh how sweet the offer! How tempting the dreams! Yet, I promise tomorrow I shall fluff those pillows! Tonight let me get drunk on the vision of you!”

“A vision fueled by cheap wine, and a dance hall’s smoke.” Verdie turned to get the princess’s under things.

“My lily! If man could find a way to dine on divine form alone I would travel to the ends of the earth to partake so that I could fly into your arms and never leave!”

“Bolly!” The princess was dressed. “How can I compete with gambles, men, and drink? I am but one!”

“ ‘Tis a matter of health! I challenge you, Verdie, dine on bread and water alone, and see what state you’re left in.”

“Fine! Love shall be the only honey I need, and my appetites shall be sated.”

“I’m wounded! For you, my lily, are so rare and sweet a fruit that one lick only plants a seed of desire for more.”

“And yet I sense your sweet tooth has a meaty twin.”

“Let us dream of that fabled time when a woman who only deserves fruit can live as a vegetarian, until such time it is a matter of self-preservation to consume meat.”

The maid hummed, “Like that island? I have enjoyed those books you write. You should publish them. Give all the sapphists gayer dreams.”

“Me? A writer? Whatever would they say?”

“Who says it has to be you?” Verdi hinted with a twinkle in her olive eye.

Those with secret lives forced into the waiting shadows are not bound by mind, so the mind because a fertile moonlit garden of every changing form. Tongues painted the visions while hands followed the familiar pace. Once suitably equipped the princess was off and the maid was left to keep up the deception. 

Down the lane a colonel’s house played host to soldiers and ne'er do well gentlemen’s sons. There was cheap wine, loose cards, and fast women. Zareen considered it the home she never had. While the country folk waited for Sunday church, she waited for a hand up her skirt with dice in one hand and a drink in the other. With one throw she won or lost coin the beggar on the street would never see in their natural lifetime. The only downside was when a man would drag forth his dagger with every intention of sheathing it into her soil, yet she was no fool as to risk it. Wine heated their tempers and she had to be sharper and quicker. How fortunate that they exposed their soft spots so eagerly.

Oh this night the drink was too good. Her head spun, but instead of letting an armful help her she excused herself to hurl in the kitchen garden. At least it seemed like a kitchen garden as the smell of fennel and crocus blooms managed to find her nose despite the revisiting wine. It was her rule that once she started speaking Welsh she staggered home. But there the matter of her hem being ruined. A shame the yard was being rude and swaying. Some boy taking a smoke caught her and called for help. If only she wasn’t so sloshy. She could eat him and then have a smoke after. Couldn’t smoke often, the smell was so hard to hide. But she was nearly engaged. Why not celebrate? When a group had gathered to clean her and sober her up. She pawed at the nearest chest to unleash the raw sexual energy of a woman.

“Ooo wanna me?”

“Princess Zareen?”

“That’s the face! Here’s the name! You’re welcome!”

A chair magically appeared and she was helped into it while her gown was wiped. A blue eye fairy hovered over her with the most alluring lips.

“Ooo wanna, yeah?” She was pretty sure her eyebrows and pouting mouth were irresistible. 

“Are you turning sick again? You look so pale!”

There was a buzzing discussion as to what to do with the toddling blonde. The best choice happened. The fairy took her in her-? His-? They’re all the same when you’ve drank that much. The fairy held her and carried her away.

“Dew drink, yes! Fairy! I’ll get you aaahhh green breast! Dress! Take me to Pego!”

“Does drink steal your native tongue? Disgrace is your chief talent! Where’s your horse?”

“Horse? Home. I do not wish to return. Take me in your arms and fly me away to strum! I’m drunk.”

“The spill on the rosemary is evidence. They say you bring a horse, so which one?”

“So fine a beast a with huge value, alas, not for me. Paps or tackle?”

Fairies were much rougher than she imagined, it made her notch throb.

“Are those games? I think I see it.”

“Gone are those golden days where the garment determined one’s sex. I see your humble dress fairy, but I know not what it conceals. So show me so that we can die sweetly together.”

Someone snickered behind her.

“I believe the princess thinks you a bloke. She’s sore alright. I’ve seen her go in closets before. Real quick that one.”

“I see. Thank you. Is this her horse?”

“I figure it is. Want us to see her home?”

“No, I know where to take her. Once I mount, help her up. We’ll manage with the grace of God.”

“I am to be mounted? Oh goodie, but you can’t take my flower. Wouldn’t do to be knapped.” Zareen was trying to do the math in her head and only came to bed, so she tried to lay on the grass. The footmen were not very cooperative. Like a sack of potatoes she was then pushed and pulled up onto her steed. There was some discussion on how to secure her and the fairy insisted both must ride astride. The footmen assisted, but only to clean their hands of it.

Sitting on a pommel wasn’t the worse thing in the world, but it could be improved.

“Fairy! Oh Fairy!”

“Hush! Do you wish for all to see you spread like a dollymop!”

“My face and fortunes are fair, they can weather any tongue. But test me with your quail pipe if you wish to seek my treasure.”

“Zareen,” sighed the fairy.

“Pillage my fruit and two rubies shall be yours!”

“Lo Baccus takes her voice.”

“ “Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish,”” quoted the princess who was trying to take off her dress, but kept tipping into arms that were as steady as an oak.

“I didn’t think you were allowed to read classics.”

“I’m noooottt.. Don’t tell mother. The very idea that anything save the pope’s word is worth considering is grounds for imperson-imburn-Damnations!” She leaned down. “My mind is your horsie.”

“So you sneak Greek plays. With Pearl searching your room twice a day that can’t be easy.”

“Boo! No Pearls! Dumb spinster! She never checks the servant walls. Or behind my mirrors. The key is to look at things in new lights. You can hide things in a drawer, or you can slide them twixt the joints so that they hold it above the drawer under the top.”

“So you’re clever when you’re sober. A cage like that must make you wild.”

“Fairy, your mind is no capable of dreaming the things I’ve done, and once my legs are restored, I’ll turn about and show you. I will teach you of earthly delights.”

“You smell of horse and sick. My faith is weak.”

She hummed and asked that the horse be made to gallop, as she found a position that was most agreeable. Satisfied, she started to snore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can now write dirty in fancy! Leggo my pego! Your back avenue can brew up a storm of heaves.


	5. Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the oldest story. A man. A woman. Alone together with flames and a bed.

“Oh you’ve won again, my prince! And I’ve lost all my jewels, name your prize, anything of mine is yours.” She batted her kohl darkened lashes over the chess board. Glowing firelight was her best make up and she knew. Every curve was deepened and a healthy flush was granted to her skin. How could any man be unaffected?

“My prize? I wish for this to be the final game. I grow weary of false victory.” The prince sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes.

“I do grow weary myself. I think I shall retire.” She stood near the post of the bed, waiting.

“What do you want?” He sighed.

“Your highness, I dismissed my servants. I have no way of removing my garb.”

“Then call them back.”

“But they toil so! How could I take back the promise of a free evening? Have you no heart for the working class?”

Head bowed in surrender, the prince rose to join the princess, who helpfully pushed him on the bed so he was closer to her strings and generous rear. He fumbled around trying to find the hidden mechanics of the beastly dress. Muttering condemnations was the only magic that helped.

“My, my. I thought the prodigious prince with the worlds finest women falling to their knees would be able to unrig while blindfolded.”

“With a tongue edged so, why don’t you apply it to free yourself? Besides, a prince doesn’t have time to waste with such things. If such women wish to reach their goal it’s up to them to take all the necessary steps.”

The dress was removed and laid on a chair, now all the trappings were left.

“With subtlety removed, and the thrill of the hunt gone, I imagine it to be very dull.”

The stays were more cooperative.

“I’ve been told that a woman that desires you is a rare gem to be jealously guarded.” He sounded so hollow.

“Yet, my poor prince is not wanted. Only his jewels, and crown. How lonely it must be.” Bum roll fell as she turned and cradled the prince’s face in her hands. “How long has it been since you heard your name and not the title that lives for you?” He leaned into the soft hands, and closed his eyes, taking in the coying scent of oranges and vanilla. “We’re all alone. Just a woman and a man. May I speak to the man?” A small nod. “Alexandre. Mon ange. Are we not two people made of weak, and feeble flesh?” She felt the blue-eyed prince sigh, almost melting. “Let flesh comfort flesh. Drink my warmth and find the comfort of my bosom.”

“You are the very meaning of a woman’s hidden peril,” Alexandre voice grumbled and vibrated all the way to her toes. He resumed working at the ties which held her hoop.

“How can you doubt me?”

“We are strangers, yet you offer your body. As precocious as you act I doubt the fires of compassion stir in your-” his eye rose to her ruby tipped globes, “heart.”

“Does my Alexandre’s heart stir?” She shucked off her petticoat, and took her royal throne. “Do men think they alone bear the burden of sin? Do they think women are made of stone? That we are cold, hard, and unwanting?” She took his hands and shoved them under her shift, to the tops of her stocking so his fingers gripped her fawn soft thighs. “How do I seem to you, husband?”

A pussy-cat must have stolen the prince’s tongue, for he was stiff for a while. “Am I to understand that-that you require-require-”

“Satisation, my lord. Merry wife, peaceful life. The weight of this maiden's head is too much to bear. Take it and wear it as a jewel upon your head.”

The brunette snorted and couldn’t look the woman in the eye.

“Servants talk and several contested that I would be neither the first man nor even the first woman to view your finery. I’m sure plenty have probed your darkness.”

Dignination flared over Zareen face, her tongue sharpened with years of injustice, but this was a matter of survival. She must soften her lips to have them embraced. A deep breath, then she molded herself into the prince’s firm side. 

“Do you judge me, my clever mate? Surely if anyone could understand life in captivity it would be you? Has never the perverse impulse to rattle your cage infected you? And, as God is my witness, you shall be the first to come inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reenie supes don't want to wear clothes in this. I guess it's because you know how is all about the clothes this go around. More, more and more. Or maybe I'm sneaking in a Greek myth under your nose. Who even knows? 2 years of writing gay shit and now I flood your feed with straightness! Mwahahah! Behold all the penises! A bountiful- hold up, where all my dicks at? Better call Bob.


	6. Thursday-Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The future is a scary thing. So Zareen decides to get wet.

It was Thursday. Zareen loved and hated Thursday. On one hand she was out of the house and in town. On the other… the putrid odor of stale urine and mess settled in the back of her throat and she knew only one salve could dissolve it. Thursday was Verdie’s favorite day. Her cheer as she bent and spoke with the patients sickened the princess. The princess rolled her eyes, and clung to her younger sister. Beryl shared her impatience with the whole outing. The girl pulled at her hand thinking that to reach the end of the hospital was to reach the end of the slow outing. Even having Kitty with them did little to lift her boredom. How she begged to be left with Lord Douglass.

“So a little birdie tells me you’re entertaining marriage.” Kitty asked while passing bandages.

“No, I planned to live with mother and father until the peace death. BB is going to tend to me when the house falls to ruin. Isn’t that so BB?”

“Kitty, I want to go outside and play! We never play anymore!”

“She does know I don’t live at home right?”

“She’ll figure it out. Pearl is constantly comparing her to my idle mind at that age.”

“Neither one of you shows much enthusiasm to mature. Do you think your charms alone can win you a suitable husband?”

“Don’t think for one second your name and father’s wealth didn’t speed your path to wedded bliss. Naturally our own path is equally paved and even.” She twirled the anxious child. “A princess with money. We are what all dream to be. Even if I were as hideous as sin, noble men would still be beating down our door.” 

“Horrid! You’re simply horrid!”

Verdie rushed up to the royal siblings to excitedly inform them that a young girl was delivering and the queen wanted the bride and the bride-to-be to watch. Verdie took Beryl out. Pearl was waiting outside the girl’s door. 

The queen greeted them.

“There you two are.”

They curtsied. 

“Catherine you’ll be a mother soon, and Zareen if all goes to plan you’ll be with child in less than two years. This young girl has agreed to share her labor in the hopes you can be safe when it comes time for you to fulfill your function.”

Blood. Gushing, dark and velvet. And the smell! Earthy, and bodily! Then the baby! It didn’t look like an infant! Malformed, swollen, sickly blue, it didn’t stir. And the screaming rang through her ears! 

_ This  _ waited for her! Blood so much pooled on the ground surely the girl would not live! Even with Verdie guarding the outside of the door, Zareen took off as fast as her skirts would let her. Carriages stood in wait with their horses gone to water, so she took the reins of the first available steed regardless of who it may belong. There was no direction to her flight, the urgency drove her forward. 

She left the town and cobblestone paths behind until the horse was following a weedy coast line of a forest framed lake. Now she thought to stop, but the horse would not hear her. Mad, the unruly beast barreled until a root caught its hoof, sending horse and all into the lake. The icy claw of the lake closed quickly about her. The princess cried out for help as the grip pulled down at her layers. Like a new born calf her limbs with akimbo to find any sort of purchase. Something touched her fingers, she white-knuckled it. A lifeline! 

“Hold on!” A woman stood in her rowboat and tried pull the princess up, but succeeded in getting pulled into the drink, and tipping the little boat. “Hold on to my shoulders! We can grabbed the boat!”

“I’m drowning!” Zareen nearly choked her savior.

“Fool! You’ll drown us both if you hold my neck!” They made it to the boat, and they kicked to a shore. Their dresses were now doubled their own weight. But the blonde coughed up the lake, then struggled forward calling for the horse.

“Damn the horse, woman! You nearly killed us both!”

“Damn you! A horse is more valuable than a dozen princesses and a hundred serving girls! The poor thing twisted its ankle! I must-” She pulled at her skirts and fell forward. “You! I can’t remember your name, but get this stuff off me!”

“You can’t go around bossing people around!” None the less Zandra fumbled to find the strings to get the yards of fabric off the princess.

“What is the point of people if not to either take or give orders?!” Free of her skirts she ran in her underthings back to the horse. The beast was calmly grazing the daisies. She dropped to her knees to look at the cut.

“Zareen! What are you about?! You’ll catch your death like this!”

“A knife! Do you have a knife?!”

“What are you doing-” She handed over an ornate blade, and the blonde proceeded to tear at her own clothes, ripping them into strips she then bound the ankle all while cursing the lack of ointment. Satisfied, she rose. 

“Be grateful I owe you my life. A disrespectful thief like you shouldn’t live so boldly.” 

“How highly you sit while you’re standing in your mud soaked unmentionables!”

The knife was speared into the ground.

“There’s no way you could have afford something with the royal crest on it! You stole it or bought it off someone who stole it! You should be in stocks!”

“I-I” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a multi-part chapter.


	7. Thursday-Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's naked people this this one.

“You’re Al, the flit that helped me at the party. My, my I didn’t think-”

“It’s not mine! My brother found it, I didn’t want him to lose his job so I’m holding it for him until it can be discreetly returned. Please! I promise it’ll be with its rightful owner soon!”

“Please what?”

“Pretty please?”

“It’s princess! Princess Zareen! I may be covered in mud, in my petticoat but I will still uphold my family’s honor.”

“As you wish, princess Zareen. Now will you do me the honor of accompanying me to the boat house? We can get dry.”

The blonde sighed and dropped her hands to her side.

“Well I can’t have tea with the queen now, so I might as well.”

Above the dock was a living space with comfortable furnishings, a stove already whistling away with a kettle. Zandra was quick to tend to it while her guest was only concerned with unburdening herself.

“Leave it! I want to be out of this sopping mess!”

“If that was your chief concern, then why’d you chase after that horse?” She fumbled with the ties. 

“What’s the matter? Have you never dressed a lady before?” It took some time before the princess was in her shift. “Besides must I repeat myself? A horse is a fine beast that is much more versatile than any woman.”

Zandra had just finished hanging the fine things, and turned to find the shift out stretched by a nude blonde waiting impatiently. The brunette turned away and tried to hide her rosy flush. A cleared throat caught her attention, but she would not move.

“I’ve yet to see a garment that will hang itself. Am I to stand here?”

“My lady you are…”

“As God formed me, but I doubt he wanted me to stand like a tree.”

“B-but, I don’t have any spare clothes!”

“That suits. I’m still wet wouldn’t do to suffer lowly clothes only to ruin them. Just as well. I was going to bathe tonight in any case. The public is beastly. I don’t know why mother insists. Do better to set up a national health fund than to spend four hours every week making nice with suffering invalids what I’m sure would like nothing more than the dignity of solitude. When I’m queen I’ll only show up to open new wings. Mayhaps read to children. But the smell of rot sickens me more with each meeting.” She flopped back on an untidy bed.

“How generous.” The brunette stepped behind a wardrobe to strip. 

“More can be achieved through wide sweeping legations than making trippes with bundles of bandages and baskets of turning produce.”

“Women have no place in parliament.”

“Women! Fah! Women have been affecting change since the second they learned what men wanted. When I marry I’ll simply have to bat my eyes, show the goods and my husband shall agree with me. Then one night of duty and I have my vote counted.”

“You think all men are so simple?”

The window served to dry Zandra’s things.

“Yes. Look at me! I’m a feast! Even if I never marry I can spend the rest of my youth milking a retirement out from being a mistress. Look at my globes!” By the rustling Zandra could guess the slapping sound came from the princess’s backside. “Al, you’re not looking! You may never get this chance to view perfection again. Even the pox spared much of my beauty.”

“Princess it is not proper! If someone were to find out-!”

“What? Two ladies went for an unplanned swim.  _ Anything _ we do is perfectly innocent.” The way she pronounced anything sent shivers down Zandra’s spine and stirred something in her. She knew it had to mean a perversion of innocence, but beyond knowing the lips of another woman what could she mean?

“T-t-tea or coffee?”

“Tea if you have it to spare. This isn’t your place, but it’s not like the master can’t afford a few missing tea cups. I believe any sensible household should budget for the comfort of staff. I heard of some up-tights that take missing stock from servants' wages. Fair, but when the whole system relies on the backs of the workers the thousands taken from their sweat that they’ll never see could hardly be repaid through parties, and nipped cups of tea.”

“Not a popular stance among husbands.” Tea fixed, Zandra stood near the stove, not facing her guest.

“Husbands thrive on the illusion that they know everything when in fact they specialize in business and could not run a house if they tried. Besides, just between us I have plans. I’ll make my own income, and invest it in more than the old wives tricks. Oh how thrilling it’ll be to have my own jewels to wager on high risk ventures! No more holding back at the cards because I wear borrowed gems.”

“Gambling halls are machines of ruin for past glory and future security.” 

“Oh I know! Makes it fun! But the jewels aren’t mine to give. As soon as they were placed like a collar ‘round my neck they were marked for my unborn. The misery of my sex is impressed upon me daily.

“Speaking of which-!”

“Why-why-why are you here?! Is anyone coming for-for you? After all a young lady all alone-”

“Mm, a young maiden all alone could do,” her voice grew deeper. “This!”

Zandra shot up as her sides were tickled. A girlish glee filled the loft.

“Zareen!” Zandra reprimanded.

“Princess!” Zareen grabbed her and pulled her to the bed.

“Zareen, you’re indecent!”

“Thank you, but you haven’t mentioned my hair!”

There was a struggle for freedom, but ultimately the princess had the advantage of her, hem, legs. 

“You’re being childish!” Cursed Zandra.

“And you’re pouting! You may have your freedom if you give us a poem. A scandalous one! We’re always in need of more.”

“But I don’t know any!”

“Stir your lips to passion!”

Frustration pulled the brunette’s head back, which was a quick reminder that her guest was very nude.

“If I am to go through such pain will I get more reward? Like an answer to my previous querry.”

“Only if your performance stirs my heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do a lot of thinking about why everyone is naked all of a sudden.


	8. Thursday-Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's getting laid.

It took some time to gather the words from the air, her head rest didn’t help her focus. Or perhaps it was.

“ _ Come let me touch those Breasts that Swell  _

_ Like two fair Mountains, and may well  _

_ Be fill’d the Alpes, but that I fear  _

_ The Snow has much left whiteness there _ .”

“Oo! Do go on!”

“But princess!”

“How lovely your song! I like a humble voice. One more verse.”

The second verse was even harder to create and stumble through, but she did it.

“ _ Employ it then, for though it be  _

_ Our wealth, it is your Royalty;  _

_ And beauty will have currant grace  _

_ That bears the Image of your face.  _

_ How to the touch the Ivory Thighs  _

_ Veil gently, and again do rife,  _

_ As pliable to the impression  _

_ As Virgins Wax, or Barian Stone  _

_ plump and full _ .”

“That’s sinful!” The shock caused Zareen to release her prey. She rolled up like a cat in indulgent delights. “Oh you’re wicked! I shall keep you. Girl, where do you work? I will steal you for myself!”

“Uh, a deal’s a deal! What brought you here on a mad horse?”

“Oh that! Dull! And you’re a sweet young thing. You know not of the horrors of your sex. Best not to scare you off. If you know what follows after a few blissful nights. If only I had a choice in the matter. But I was born to breed.” 

Zandra found her tea and decided dangling her feet off the edge was the safest place. 

“I take it you have no desire to be a mother.”

“Heaven forbid! If only I was born a man! I could dance the night away and never fear the consequences!”

“Um-er, you say you’ve caught a prince’s eye. What do you think of them?”

“Who? Oh! Prince Alexandre! I think nothing. I’ve only heard rumors. He is bookish, a captain, stiff, reportedly young, a rake-”

“A rake?!” The tea was nearly spilled.

“Oh no maid is safe around men. I’ve heard the names of three or four married women who supposedly warm his bed and bear his bastards. It’s a royal tradition! Though I don’t relish the thought of earning Venus’s curse from a man I don’t care for, but once I fulfill my duty he need never bother me lest I care for it.”

“So you don’t like the prince.”

“I feel nothing for him. Never met him, and his friend is a jolly mouthpiece who bores me with as many reprimands as Pearl. He’s right at home in the country. Nothing ever happens here.

“In fact,” Zandra tensed as she heard the sheets rustle, “rumor has it the prince as a private estate around here, but does he think to come down here to fetch his future bride? No! He’s too busy! Love has nothing to do with royal marriages, so the distance shall suit me fine. He can play with his books and I shall play with my pages. As long as I have a loose collar and a generous leash I can create my happiness.”

Zandra cleared her throat. “I thought-I thought you wanted to bend the crown’s ear?”

“That would be nice, but if I can’t stand him I shall have to contend myself with my distractions.”

“Your ambitions are malleable.”

“I’m very flexible. You should see how far I can spread my-”

“I should check the clothes!”

“Politics.” Zareen finished like it was the filthiest word she could conjure. Like a hunting cat, the blonde observed the mousy girl as she fingered the still wet things and moved them over the stove. “What direction turns thine mind?”

“Tha-tha it’s cold and we need clothes.”

“Your poem. Was that a man or a woman whose figure you described?” 

How dearly Zandra wished to be set aflame or join the fish at the bottom of the lake!

“Jesus?” She answered confused about the question.

“You wish to touch His swollen breasts?”

“I panicked! I pulled things together from what I’ve overheard from drunks!”

“Do you not drink?”

“Seldom- ah! I mean I rarely have funds.” 

“Such a pity. Life becomes more tolerable through a glass of rosé.”

Together they warmed each other with spare shifts under the covers, although the princess insisted she needed any coverings. It was a tense time. That was filled with much silence. Until someone called up from below.

It was the search party sent out for the wayward blonde. She informed them that she was hopeless trapped without dry clothes to protect her from the elements and that the brave maiden that had rescued her now fended off cold. 

The guards were amused. Pearl was in a fit. The queen wondered yet again how this sort of thing only happened to Zareen.

Back at home, in the safety of sheets and the veil of night Thursday was coming to a close. 

Like the fairies secret out before the sunrise to paint on the morning dew on every leaf and petal to magnify the beauty and wonder of a perfectly grown art piece. Each drop a diamond to illuminate in a rainbow of shimmering colors, Zareen used her tongue to create an equal painting of loveliness.

Verdi cheeks, usually rough with scoured rough, were soft, and flushed like a feminine body should be but was frowned upon. Zareen loved how she could cause such a transformation. What power to take a rough maid and turn her into the very image of a woman’s pleasure. She often boasted her tongue was her strongest muscle. With one last kiss, a taste of Eve’s fruit she rose, lips shining in victory. To Verdi she was some perverse succubus come to claim her soul in a hell where her curse was the norm. Oh for a world women forced to give into based instincts clothed in shamelessness!

The blonde fell beside her, the very dream she longed for. 

“Much better! It just wouldn’t be Thursday without my salve!”

The maid moved to take her position between her mistress’s legs, but was pulled up beside her. 

“Not tonight my pet. I want my pillows.” They were quick to get resettled. Flaxen locks covering the maid’s generous bosom. “I think it’s time to get you a sister.”

Short nails played through the pale hair. 

“What do you mean? I have three brothers.”

“Yes, but it may be time to have someone to ease your burdens. She’s the lanky thing who rescued me from the water today. By no means a beauty and she lacks your charms, but makes up for it in innocence.”

Verdi’s heart beat with worry.

“I need no help! My labor is one of pleasure!”

“Nonsense! The poor lamb is lost. Remember how you were when I found you? Eyes down cast for fear of lingering on lace necklines. Lousy with a lust that you could not name. We could save another!”

“But you couldn’t keep both of us if you married the prince! And-and- think of the risk of being someone new in! They’ll send you to the nunnery and I to the street!”

“But Verdi, kitten, think where we would be if I didn’t take a chance on you.”

The maid’s hand stilled as doom gripped her.

“And besides, being left alone in a nunnery is a reoccurring dream of mine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From an actual book of dirty poems.


	9. Date Night at the Opera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What stirs the passions like a dirty opera and a 3 way?

Morning greeted the newlywed with a kiss of light that slipped through a crack in the velvet curtain to find her forehead. Warped in warmth she was slow to stir. What reason was there with a merrily crackling fire and her favorite gown?

Blue birds sang a-

Gown?!

Zareen shot up and inspected herself. She was fully clothed, virginal, and alone. 

The blue birds took off at the sound of curses.

Verdi came in on her lady straggling a pillow in front of it’s fallen sisters.

“And all these years you said only two things could get you out of bed.” She set the breakfast tray by the fire. “I take it you’ll want a doctor.”

“He-! He-!”

“He’s only a man. You knew their limits. If all women reacted so the world would simply be aflame.”

The princess’s face grew red with shame. Her victim was screamed into before it was thrown to the wall. Tea would soothe her bruised ego.

“When did you want him?” Pressed Verdi.

“I never want him! Never again! Arrogant bastard!”

“That’s why they’re called doctors, but you need one to announce the new prince.”

“New-? No. There is no need for a doctor this day,” she growled. Even the pastries had a bitter taste.

“Then we wait. Or a midwife. They have more experience with-”

“I’m not with child because there was no consummation!”

Green eyes blinked in confusion.

“Did you kick him out?”

“No! I- I- did everything! We drank, we played, we flirted! I got him into bed and then-!” 

Now the previous night came back to her.

_ “-as God is my witness, you shall be the first to come inside.” She was buzzing with power. She could see the prince's eyes grow big and he wiped his mouth. All she had to do was get those jewels into her jewelry box. She leaned forward, grabbing his waist coat. “How does that sound, Alexandre?” _

_ Her wrists were caught, then she was thrown by her middle to the sheets. _

_ “Oh! My Prince! How bold! Give me more! More!” She rose to her knees hoping to feel the cool of her back side being exposed. But nothing happened. She looked and found no one. “Where the hell-?” She heard glass in the bathroom. _

_ “Oh prince of my hearts! I’m over here! What are you doing in there?!” _

_ “Uh! Oil! I heard-” He returned with his coat off and a vital. “ You wish to conceive, correct?” _

_ “I’m willing to try as many times as it takes.” She batted her eyes.  _

_ “Then the Romans believed the key to success was the woman’s pleasure. S-so, if you would bare your sh-shoulders please.” _

_ Zareen failed to see how this got this chore down any faster, but men are basically children, so she slipped her shift so one ruby tip greeted the chilly air. Of course it had an audience, she made sure it was watched as she leaned back, letting a stocking fall.  _

_ “Turn around.” _

_ “Only if you get back into  _ **_our_ ** _ bed.” _

_ Terms agreed to the princess turned away and was surprised to find the prince’s long thing fingers had just enough strength to give mind melting neck rubs, arm rubs, maybe foot rubs? The memory grew ethereal.  _

“Damn! I fell asleep!”

“You fell asleep?”Snorted Verdi. 

“I was tricked! He had no intent to seal our vows last night! The gall!” 

“Or do you think-” The maid’s eyes darted to the doors. “Could he be-?”

“He desired me! Why wouldn’t he?! You weren’t there! I was like Venus! The object of ardor! No man could resist me!”

Behind her hand Verdi hid a wicked grin of amusement.

“I have but half my freedom! And I’ll be damned if anyone will stand between me and the rest of it. All I need is two measly babes!” Breakfast was forgotten in favor of pacing. As this was the complete opposite of the morning she had expected the maid simply enjoyed the entertainment; silently debating how much to share with the rest of the staff. 

“Is that ruby dress finished?!” Demanded the bride.

“Um, it should be here this afternoon,” Verdi blinked. 

“Perfect! I want tickets to the most popular show tonight! You, me, and hubby! I must look perfect! Quick Verdi to the wash room!”

*******

“Absolutely shameless. Such debauchery!”

“Oh I wouldn’t say that, my prince. What woman doesn’t dream of a wild, passionate man with daring eyes coming and fulfilling the third of life’s greatest desires? Someone who’s manhood drives them to care naught of time or place, but filling the air with the song of a woman’s ecstasy.” The blonde leaned closer and wrapped her arms around the man’s arm, and batted her eyes at the face turned towards the stage.

“By heavens!” The maid swore under her breath, rolling her eyes at the disgusting display.

“He’s a rake!”

“He’s a man! Men have needs! Needs that are the duty of wives to tend!” A gloved hand rubbed the prince’s thigh, but was ceased when it was covered. 

“Lady  Verdelite, I believe the princess needs a drink.”

“And the prince needs his port. Do take your time, Verdi, we can fend for ourselves.”

“And risk your throat drying? Make haste, please.” 

The maid made a note to hurry back, as hard as it was to watch, the alternative was worse.

Throughout the night the princess grew a collection of wine glasses as her attentions wavered from getting the prince’s affection to making transparent remarks of the actors and actresses on stage. She toast with Don Giovanni to, “vino e donne!” and leaned so far over the baloney it took husband and maid to pull her back. And likewise she cursed the reprimanding statue who sought to save the libertine from his sinful ways. The curtain wasn’t even dropped when she was yanked up and dragged back to the royal carriage.

While the prince went back to give his nod of approval the princess was still in an amorous mood.

“Verdi, I want my pillows!” She tried to bury her face in the maid’s breast, but was shoved away, so small feat as the blonde boasted an uncommon height for a woman.

“You are shameless! If you’re determined to act like a tart at least remember with whom you’re out with!”

“That was the most sensational thing I ever saw! No wonder mother never let me go to the opera! I would live there! Such gay pageantry! Such raw passion! And a veritable buffet of flesh on display! It was as if I were a sultan in a harem presented with a corridor of oiled, willing bodies! I’m beside myself! I’m anxious to return home!” She ripped off her gloves and set to playing with anything they’d land on. 

When the prince returned, Zareen had a sudden change of mind, and instituted that she ride backwards, quite contrary to her usual stance that anything but forward made her ill. 

“My prince, what did you think of the performance?”

“I think the common-mind will always be easy to amuse.”

“But how it stirs the appetite, like how the fragrance of bread wakens the stomach in the morning. And hunger is the greatest spice. Would you agree, your majesty?”

The prince was leaning on the window as if to fly out into the night. Yet, somehow when the carriage wheel found a stone she still managed to land in his land, neckline pulled and eyes batting. 

“Oh  _ pardon me _ , your highness. It seems I’ve developed weak knees since our union. Mayhaps I should stay?”

“By heavens!” Verdi swore into her gloved hand.

“I quite agree,”commented the prince. 

“You do?!” Zareen’s hopes and fantasies grew.

She was unceremoniously pushed away.

“You have managed to find a lady of strong sense despite yourself. You’d do well to follow her shrewd example of public manner.”

The blonde plucked a flower from her hair and pretended to study it.

“I won’t mind sharing you with another, but I refuse to kept out of my own bed. It shall be three, or you two shall never be.”

“WHAT?!” Exclaimed prince and maid.

Verdi took out her prayer book and held it to her trembling lips.

“Madame! Despite what beliefs the court holds, I am not the kind of man to prey on maids! And I will not hear of you using them to bait me into your sheets!” Even though not deep, his voice boomed with a solid rage and let Verdi release her breath.

“Oh pray tell why not?” The princess waved her arm. “It is the privileged few’s right to enjoy all fruit. What woman-I mean, man, has not dreamed of doubling his pleasure? Is it not the safest gamble? Three people; one end. I can’t fathom a disadvantage.”

The prince rubbed the bridge over his proud nose. “Even if I desired a maid that does not change the fact she cannot deny me. And since she cannot, I can’t assume she accepts me. I’m not fool enough to think all are aware of their right to reject.”

“Well,  _ I’m  _ in a position to reject you and I have not.”

“Yet, I have rejected your singular request.”

“Then I reject your rejection!” Zareen declared. 

How weary the prince looked. “I believe the air will improve my mood.”

He took his leave and rode in saddle to the palace leaving the princess with her lusty passions and her maid. Said maid was still too upset to service such passions and was grateful that drink had made the pillows look more inviting than romp through the sheets. Verdi returned to her room the prince’s words repeating. They were her damnation and salvation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a real opera with fake boobs.  
> When you want the D but he all, "Nah, lets just cuddle and give each other massages."  
> I really can't help myself when it comes to maids. Oops! Have this new character!   
> I also like how I can further illustrate how awful Zareen is.


	10. The Other Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember that letter?

A fortnight Lord Douglas was kept from seeing the young princess, her caretakers insisted that the trauma of her near death experience was simply too much and she had to rest. So while the family entertained the lord Zareen was confined to her room with around the clock watch to insure that a repeat of her foolishness could be avoided. A dying suitor was preferred to a reckless one that couldn’t stand the thought of childbirth. 

Thus a constant stream of servants were tasked with making sure that fun and freedom were kept from the princess’s reach. At least she had chess, and she could disguise her papers in the good book. They were her only reprise besides bemoaning her Fate and plotting how to take delicious revenge once a ring bought her personhood. It was in this cell she received news from the outside. A heavy stocked letter. The seal was cracked and each word savored until they turned sour, then dry and their flavor blown away. She smirked as she watched the dancing flame. As it was the first sign of enjoyment Verdi had seen in over a week she had to ask.

“Someone is of the strong opinion that my engagement is soon and they are against it.”

“What do you mean, your highness?” Stockings were always in need of darning.

“Read it yourself,” the letter was tossed. “It’s in a disguised hand posing as a “concerned lady of court” warning of the prince’s rakish ways and that I can “never win his heart or keep his bed.” As if love had any place in marriage. It simply doesn’t exist in aristocracy.”

“As if the low born have it any better. I thought Lady Marguerite was a married woman.”

“Don’t be so naive! All men of high standing have a mistress, and the royal family prefers married women. It’s understood that a man must give up his wife if she is desired and he must consider it an honor to raise any royal bastards as his own.”

“How awful!”

“How? No one gets hurt, and now there’s a new claim to the throne.

“My only confusion is who sent the letter, and why they thought a woman two decades the senior of her lover would be intimidating to me?”

“I’ve heard the princess Rosa was quite the flirt. She is close to age to you, and from a small, but protected by a feared naval force. They’ve enjoyed the rich benefits of new colonies. An arrangement between the nations would give them the combined strongest navy in the world-”

“And put the rivals square in the middle. How clever! I knew I was held in the envious eye of every girl in the country, but to think I’ve scared a princess. Will she produce an heir?”

“I don’t know, your highness. I’m not privy to such things.”

“Well, well, well, the plot thickens. Before I simply could win my freedom, now I can best the route to a foreign throne.” 

****

After a round of croquet a stroll through the park was suggested. The letter was passed from princess to lord with a request to study it.

“Don’t tell me you believe this mud?!”

“I don’t know what to believe,” a handkerchief dabbed at her eye under her veil. “I’m not a stranger to the ways of me. But to think that I could never hold the heart of the man I love!” Zareen swayed, and Pearl held her up. 

“It is not true, princess! The prince is not that kind of man! Lady Marguerite has known his highness since he was but a babe! She’s like a mother to him.”

“A mother you say?! A mother to whom “he as expressed the strongest and most ardent of feelings from his own lips!” How can I be slave to a man who will not return my love?”

“But princess-!”

Pearl stepped in. “Is this what the crown thinks of a girl’s heart? That he can toy with her? String her along with false promises? I will have a word with the queen about this! We will see if she will have such deceptions in her house, twisting in the bosom of her precious child!”

“Oh Pearl! I shall faint! My prince! My heart!” 

The girl was ushered back into the house and into a private parlor where the acting ended.

“Just when did you plan to tell  _ us  _ about this letter?!”

“I just did! You couldn’t have know about it before hand, Pearl, you’d over do it. Your reaction had to be genuine.”

“It’s a gamble, girl! The pressure must be gently applied. Leave this to the king and queen.”

“Waiting! Waiting! Waiting!” Zareen threw herself over the arm of the lounge. “I’ve spent my whole life waiting! My stomach turns with it!”

“Well,” The marm stood, “there are two ways to end your suffering and you’ve now hastened both. Can I trust you to avoid Lord Douglass?”

“Yes. I hatched the scheme, didn’t I?”

“The plans of men often are sent awry. You’re forbidden to quit this room until I return.”

It was a few nights later when someone came through the princess’s window. Their tall form crouched low behind the dancing curtains.

“Oh no!” The blonde threw back her sheets. “Surely I hope no rogue has come to feast on my forbidden fruits!” She opened the neckline of her gown. “Oh how horrible! As I am all alone, and never learned how to scream!”

“Oh bother! Hush!” reprimanded her intruder.

“A woman? Oh well.” Zareen shrugged. “I sure hope no witch flies into my bedroom to cast a spell to force me to perform many,  _ many _ deviant acts on her, with her, and with a candlestick! How my body quivers with fear!” She opened her legs.

“I’ve come to warn you!”

“That someone is coming? Tell them to bring leather gloves. Better to deal with Pearl’s roses.”

“No!” She stepped into the fire light and revealed her face. “You must reject the prince! He’s a shameless rake who will never love you. He’s not capable of it! Where a man’s heart should lie, he holds only an addiction to vice and sin!”

“Little Al-Zandra Moon, come to beg me in my room, spinning prophecies of doom. But the heat does make me swoon! Mayhaps my gown I should remove?”

“Do you not heed me?! This marriage will only end in disaster! You will be neglected and left without a husband!”

Zareen decided she was over dressed. So she approached Zandra in only her stockings. The cool night breeze was delicious on her skin. 

“And a little thief has come all this way to save me. My! My! I am honored!”

“Where is your-?!” The brunette turned away for modesty’s sake.

“Are you not used to the female form? Or does your princess Rosa leave much to be desired?” She crossed her arms and rested her chin on her hand.

“Rosa? Princess of Portugal? What part has she in this?”

“You tell me.” Zareen laid herself across the window seat; now her prey was trapped. “If I am not to wed the princess, who is?”

Zandra pulled some cloth from her sleeve and twisted it, keeping her eyes on the door.

“No-no one! No woman deserves such unhappiness! I pray he is rejected by all. Such a scrupulous naive who works above the law he crafts should have no place in conventional society.”

“Conventional society is such a bore,”yawned the blonde before she snatched the cloth and held the royal blue thing to the moonlight. “More stolen goods! My! My!” She passed her thumb of the royal seal of the House of Hope. “Don’t tell me your wayward brother, lowly thing that he must be, was gifted such a token.”

“N-no! It was lost in the laundry, and cook gave it to me when I bashed my hand! It’s nothing more than a snot rag!” 

“Is that so?” The princess leapt on Zandra, pushing her to the floor, trapping her wrists above her head.

“What are you doing?! You’re nude!”

“I’m nude, and you’re trespassing. I lied when I said I could not scream. One squeak, and just imagine what they’d do to you, little mouse.”

The girl stopped struggling and stared back into those glowing eyes.

“What kind of woman are you?” She whispered.

Behind the blonde halo the stars burned hotter than any fire.

With curled lips she answered. “I thought it was obvious.

“Vou meter em você ate você gritar meu nome,” she purred.

Zandra was very confused. “You’ll what me with your name? My mother? What?” 

Zareen frowned. “So you’re nothing but a spy? Fine, we will make this spyglass work both ways. You work for me from this moment forth.”

“I’ll do no such thing!”

“I wonder if my shriek will break my mirrors,” Zareen pondered.

“Fine! Fine! Tell me what you want, you mad woman and release me!”

“I want reports. About princess Rosa. You will send them to me.”

“Rosa? What interest have you in her?”

“ _ Princess _ you uncultured swine! And my affairs are mine alone.  _ You  _ are not to question them. You need merely to obey or take this token to Lord Douglass as proof of your family’s guilt.”

Zandra’s eye’s narrowed, her voice deepened. “You’d stoop so low as to blackmail a servant.”

“So high and mighty, as you lay on the floor! I’m simply using all the tools at hand to craft a desired outcome. Besides, is the choice not ultimately yours?”

A cloud passed over the waning crescent.

“How am I to write you,  _ princess? _ Surely, you want no evidence to tie you in a web of conspiracy.”

“Finally, my melody.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half my Readers: Why is Reenie nude in almost every chapter?  
> Me: I have a reason! 2 reasons! Wait.*does secret writer math* 4 reasons, and most of them are good.  
> Other half of my Readers: lol! She's naked! That's just how Reenies be. I love her! <3 
> 
> Oh and don't go googling dirty things.
> 
> Why didn't you listen to me?


	11. A Marriage with Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Opera it's clear the princess is lonely, so it's time to fix that.

Despite the morning after an opera always arriving late it was still unwelcomed. Verdi’s new found clumsiness not helping matters. She dropped and clanged everything! And how loud it all was! She was ill, and called for a doctor. The prescription was to stay away from operas, and drink. A delicate woman simply couldn’t handle it. Verdi was ordered to never allow that doctor back.

It wasn’t until the heat of the afternoon had passed that Zareen left her chamber to take a walk around the promenade. Only a few stragglers remained out while the rest had already started dressing for dinner. If only there was a way to dine without the cumbersome ritual of eating. A riding party was heading to the stables when one veered off in her direction. The princess studied the young man as he trotted up. Proud strawberry locks were pulled back in the most modern fashion to match the rest of his attire. No doubt he had only unpacked those tailored pants that afternoon. Even his brows above his bloodshot silver eyes.

“Well met! I did not know it was to rain today! I certainly hope you suffered no injury!” 

The princess closed her fan, and touched it to her lips.

“And what would you do if I had?”

He swung down from his steed, bowed, and asked for her hand.

“I’d whisk you off to the finest church and pray that God would heal he’s lost angel, and wonder how he could let such a fine, and perfect creation out of His sight.

“Lord Darnley, your grace. If I had known my cousin was seeking such a rare beauty for a wife I would have stolen you from under his proud nose. Dear prince Alexandre never could appreciate fine works of art, but you my dear, I’d frame you in a gilded carriage and keep you for mine eyes chief delight.”

She opened the fan under her eyes, letting him bow over her hand.

“So I’d be like a caged bird? What is a bird without wings?”

“A bird? No, my dear you are like a fiery jewel! With every turn you capture Heavens light and cast it out in all your hidden colors.”

“Do you speak to all your cousins so?”

“Only the truly bewitching. But where are my manners?! It’s been nearly two months since you graced our family and I’ve yet to welcome you properly! You must come to my manor Rhododendron. In a few weeks it’s garden will be bursting with the sweetest perfumes! Every year some dear maiden must be carried back to my veranda for iced lemonade made from imported Venetian lemons from my Italian orchard.”

“She must be the luckiest unfortunate in the world.” Dropping her fan into her hand the princess considered her options. “I wonder how I can get my husband away from his work.”

“Yes, he is quite devoted. Never makes a hunt with all he has to do while awaiting a throne he’ll never have. While I always take great pleasure in his company I find that when one is in the presence of someone charming, brilliant, and possessing of certain-” he waved his hand, “feminine allurements that all discomforts fade away. When shall I arrange things for your visit?”

Bees danced between the gardenias and columbines, and before she could answer a paige announced that the princess’s presence was required in the prince’s chamber. Farewells were exchanged as Zareen tried to conceal her glee. In vain she tried to persuade the messenger that a change in dress was required; she was taken directly to the chamber, but she didn’t see the royal bed.

Instead of the usual royal crowd, the prince had only a maid and butler finishing the dinner dress. Seizing the moment, Zareen snuck up behind, snaked her arms around his waist and sighed, “My prince, you’ve called and I’m come,” in a voice meant only for him. The prince let out a girlish yelp, and jumped free, rubbing his ear that had been tickled by the breath.

He pulled at his coat and cleared his throat before addressing his wife.

“It’s come to my attention that you are lacking in companionship.”

“The nights are so long and scary. I’m so easily frightened. Who knows when someone could sneak in through my window?” She batted her kohled eyes.

“Hm, yes, so to help you adjust I’ve asked my loyal and dependable aid  Lady Marguerite to accompany you. I’ve trusted her with my life, and now I trust her with yours.”

Fire burned through her veins and steeled her eye as she turned back to the woman whose presence she had previously disregarded. While well dressed, no one would call her a great beauty. Lady Marguerite stood with her gloved hands tightly clasped in front, uncommonly tall, and thin, yet not as much as Princess Zareen. Her hair was cut in some ragged fashion like a pageboy, in it an irritating veil was pinned with two pale blue pearls hiding her gaze. It was clear she was a mature woman of some age, but her youthful glow had not been stolen by bearing children. 

Lady Marguerite curtsied with so much practiced perfection you’d think she did it in her sleep.

“Does she not speak?” seethed Zareen.

“Lady Marguerite only does so when asked. Some have said it’s her most admirable quality. It would please me if you would find her more rare qualities.”

“Oh would it?” While the mute was turned to the prince, the blonde was sure she was being watched.

“Yes, Lady Marguerite served my mother for many years and was one of the few to attend my birth; she will always be an important part of my life, and if you wish to be in it, it would do much good if we all got along. I’ve made strives with your lady’s maid, you can do the same.”

“My prince, may I have a word with you? Concerning a private matter?” asked Zareen, trying to keep the red from transferring from her eyes to her cheek.

“I’m late to dinner. And I’m sure you wish to dress. Surely a tenth coat of powder is needed before meals.” On last check in the mirror, and the prince took his leave, but as he walked past his bride, she had an idea.

“My prince!” She exclaimed, before whipping around, grabbing the prince and forcing her painted lips onto his. “We are not to have a traditional marriage,” she informed him, looking into his darkened eyes.

“I never entertained the idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets saucier with time. ;)


	12. Love Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never told you....... I'm a massive nerd with a big dick..detective mystery collection.  
> Codes within codes y'all!

_ Dear Lady, _

__ _ My garden grows without any help. The rain falls, the sun shines and still the roses bloom. What for should the daffodils be envy of? How merrily they wave about in the breeze. They should never mind about the roses. _

__ _ Below is my brother’s heartfelt letter to your sister. While his penmanship improves I fear his mastery of the written world is how slower to come. _

__ _ Qya Okpa pmajvp yao vcxp bj gaoobgajq lcujbjr ktao xksjr iokujp. Xkso pcbfko bp gajqbkjav cjv nsbiefx oadaiqav, cp jk pajpbhfa ukgcj, ko pbffx piykkf rbof ubff qcea ybg. Bp qybp mokkl ajksry qk acoj gx loaavkg lokg qybp obvbisfksp qcpe? _

_ Forever Yours, _

__ _ B _

_ Dear B, _

__ _ Of course they have nothing to envy! But fools still flock to the vain, and proud rose who spills her rotting perfume for a mile or more! Personally why trust such a coying flower if it allows none to be near enough to touch it? It teases with soft petals and sickly sweet breath but returns naught but pain. How ugly and hateful it is.  _

__ _ Not like merry hyacinth, whose scent tickles and delights the nose and busy bees. Work! Work! Work! How dreadful it must be to be a bee. There must be some sort of fun for them. Something to while away the hours in merriment. Personally, I like probing the dark, deep, mysterious cavernous place of a woman’s mind. How deep have you gone into yourself, B? _

__ _ Darling sister is delighted to have someone to send her nonsense too. I don’t know why it’s allowed, but it brings her such happiness. I’m nothing if not a generous soul. Your brother has his reply. _

__ _ Cook! Hs tfgt gkk you fgvb to sgy? Lgyab H sfouke tgkj to tfb eod gctbr gkk. Mkbgrky you'rb lorb worrhbe cor your prbmhous rosb tfgn your own cglhky. Fow lumf hs koygkty wortf? H'l surb mohn whkk mfgndb your lhne. Ly sghkor hs not tfb drgnebst prhzb to lost aut tfb rosb wouke fgpphky gcchx fbrsbkc to fhs sfhp gne mrusb tfb rbst oc us. Ehe you rbgkky tfhnj H wouken't jnow? Chne out fow tfby pkgn to sprbge tfbhr vhkb tforns! _

_ Breathless, _

_ Lady _

_ Dear Lady, _

__ _ Some people have no desire to explore such places that can bear no fruit! Nothing worth having can be found buried in deep darkness! God’s golden light shines on all that is good, and all that is good should be shared. As for the creeping rose problem, I see no issue. They grow fine and tall, and each winter are cut down. With this cycle they never bother my orange flowers who always take center stage. Anyone with good sense would make themselves lousy with them.  _

__ _ It brings me nothing  _ **_but joy_ ** _ that your sister deems my brother worthy of her pen. _

_ Qbt olpt'p fttmto dp jlot idwts lk yolvdky bdp glq vdqb djmloqts yllsp.Vbdgt qbt laacpdlkcg ydiq dp ptkq ql xlro pcdglo'p pbdm qbtx bcut klq httk otqrokts. Dkpqtcs qbtx yczt dp qrokts qlvcosp qbtdo ktdybhlo vbl vdpbtp qbt tgstpq plk ql vts.  _

_ D otptkq qbcq abtoox qott xlr sotv! Di D vdpbts ql statdut D's aotcqts pljt yotcq qcgt ql icqqto xlro yotcq hcafpdst!  _

_ Dear B, _

_ How harsh you are! Are the flowers to grow in air? The deeper and wetter the roots, the sweeter and juicier the apples grow. Surely God’s sight is not so limited. After all, did He not create the moonless night? As He has created all, then surely there must be the touch of the divine in all things. Is it not our duty to seek God in all things? In all places? How can anything be propane?  _

_ Indeed, I believe that it was in the dark of night that I have felt the doors of Heaven draw open at the end of warm corridor, and from my lips rang the true song of the angels. So brief! So sweet! How often I could repeat it to be thrown in the  _ **_ecstasy_ ** _ of rapture. _

_ I could help you with my way of prayer. _

_ My darling sister’s reply. _

_ Snthd yju ijq hjsbmbho sna ofjqy ji gy qatq. B njka gy rtbfjq fbdar bs. Iaaf iqaa sj sqy, eus thy tssagks ts iftssaq wbff jhfy mjga tmqjrr tr t parmqbksbjh. B'g ktqsbmuftqfy ijuhp ji njw qjuhp thp uhefagbrnap bs br. Eus gtyea B haap t snbqp jkbhbjh. Jh yjuq haxs sqbk jvaq naqa B rntff tqqthoa sbga ijq yjuq bhrkamsbjh. Tisaq tff, bs br gy pusy sj rntqa eatusbiuf tqs wbsn sna farr ijqsuhtsa. B qalubqa kqjji snts snabq ijmur br afra wnaqa. Qjrar tqah's sj ea sqursap. Snay tqa vtbh eqtgefbho, mfbhoy snbhor snts rkqatp snagrafvar snjqhr ibqrs, ey njjdbho snagrafvar bhsj sna kthsr ji gah. _

A frustrated cry disturbed the night. The blue-eyed figure threw letter, and books to the ground making a terrible clatter causing a servant to investigate.

“Make the arrangements! Finalize the engagement!”

“Are you certain? You seem upset.”

“Of course I’m sure! I’ve only been left in ever increasing agony since this whole damned business was started! You can tell my mother to plan the wedding. Sooner this game is ended the sooner I’ll have my peace!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers:  
> For those dying to know what naughtiness is being said the girls are using a Vigenére with the clue to the passphrase written in the English text. While I'm purposely keeping the time period vague I have found a well establish spy network that operated under Lizzy the First of England. Although I've yet to determine how involved she was in it as any documentary I find can't decided which Lizzy they want to portray. But I think it's safe to say those in power have always had a way to protect their conspiracies.  
> Tools for nerds:  
> Here's the cypher I used.  
> http://rumkin.com/tools/cipher/vigenere.php  
> And the list of meanings. But the first one is tricky and something I got somewhere else, so I'll just give it to you. Chivalry http://www.avictorian.com/flowers/flowers.html


	13. Dinner and a Great Ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zareen isn't happy and she will let everyone know it.

There are those in this world filled with humility, grace, and tact.

“My brother-in-law had a mistress once. Little ballerina.”

There are those born with infinite patience and wisdom.

“Very bony, but slender.”

And there are those who may not lack these fine qualities, but rush headlong into a poor decision like there was a prize at the end of it.

“Much like Lady Marguerite.”

This had been going on for an hour.

“Which is all fine and good,” Zareen waved her food like a teacher’s ruler, “if that’s what you want. You can’t beat a ballerina in limberness, which has many advantages in the bedroom, but most men prefer a more bonny and buxom maid.”

The prince's food had gone untouched, and this fact was silently noted as the court’s eyes darted from the gaily gabbing girl, and her stewing bride-groom.

“I think it’s just  _ terrible  _ that men can so freely have mistresses when wives are so denied. Now if a wife was in that way, it’s understandable that a man should find satisfaction elsewhere, but if a wife is able to fulfill her duties then there no reason for his loins to wander. After all, what does having a mistress gain the household as whole? The wife is neglected, the coin that would fill their babe’s mouths is stolen by a woman that society condemns as a whore. Isn’t that right, Lady Marguerite?”

A goblet came down on the table like a gavel.

“That is enough, Princess Zareen!” ordered the prince. “There’s been more unsavory language tonight in this hall than I’ve heard in my entire life!”

Zareen dainty dabbed at sauce that was not at the corner of her mouth.

“And pray-tell, what will you do to improve the air, your grace?”

“As every word from your mouth has turn this fine food into ash on my tongue, I will refresh myself with a constitutional! The gardens should improve better conversationalists!”

When he rose, all rose in attendance, and quickly the dining hall cleared out as they followed the prince on his walk, leaving the princess alone with Lady Marguerite, and the servants who began to clear the plates.

“They left! They all left!”

Never before had Zareen been made to feel such burning shame. How she wanted to smash every last dish into the ground! She groaned into her hands as Lady Marguerite finished her dessert.

“You’re both horrid!” 

Zareen looked up in time to be hit in the head with a light and airy dinner roll.

“You are the most fortunate person in the world and you choose to humiliate the prince with your course manners! You’re not fit to share the room with him!” 

Standing near the edge of the table a short woman in round spectacles clenched her fists at her sides, her whole body quacking as if it was too small to contain the feelings that leaked from her eyes.

“Neither one of you should be in this house! Why don’t you both go home?! Quit this place and never return!”

Poor thing wouldn’t even open her eyes. And even with both women seated, this impassioned youth was barely above their heads.

“So here is one of the school girls that have been chasing my husband around.”

Startled, the girl looked up with eyes so blue they might have had amethyst flecks. 

“Oh don’t be so slow, girl. Do you honestly think you were the only maid filling her slate with dancing images of the prince? Every girl out of finishing school pined for him. He married to put an end to all the letters soaked in perfume he’d get every day. Poor thing, he’s constitution was weakened so.”

The red stood out as her faced blanched in shock.

“You lie! You, madame know nothing of me, and even less about the prince! The whole court knows how you sleep alone after a night of cards and drink! You-you fail at the most basic skills a bride should have, let alone be the one chosen to be by Prince Alexandre’s side! To be his partner-”

“ ‘-in this life to the next, longer than the sun will burn in the sky, so that the heavens most look down upon our perfect love and weep for such a union is an affront to the idea that such glory could exist on Earth constructed of the rubble of the corrupted Eden.’ Was that your’s, child? It did go on a bit. Did that school not teach you the proper language of romance? What man has time to waste on such overly flowery sentiment?”

Lady Marguerite had summoned hot coffee to sip on as this display carried on at her side.

“You artless, vain wretch! You have everything and toss it aside! You don’t deserve him!”

Zareen slowly fanned herself.

“And yet here we are. His mother’s ring looking so well on my hand. They say this middle stone is a rare blue diamond from the Indies. So I think it’s fair to say he chose me over the rest because I’m prize worth all the diamonds in the world, and I never had to send a single letter.”

“His family choose you for your blood and title! He avoids you, and even though you’ve been married five months you’ve never entered his private quarters! No one is allowed in there with him expect for the doctor who birthed him and family! You-You’ll never hold his heart!” Over come, the lass bolted from the room, tears falling afresh.

Lady Marguerite reflected on how coffee might taste better in a moonlit garden.

“How rude! Is this how I’m viewed? That any milk-breathed welp can insult me?! Does she know who I am?! I could ruin her entire family! Twelve generations of royals I can trace back, and some love-sick child thinks she can speak to me like that! Lady Marguerite, who was that ill-bred girl?”

Why did the world conspire to keep her from coffee?

“Miss Sodalite, your highness. Daughter of Lord Douglass. She had her debut last spring.”

“So that’s where she keeps the gall! Romance is the food of youth, but such folly is inexcusable.” She tapped her fan a few times in thought.

“I will go to the prince’s room. You may walk me there, then inform my maid of my tardiness.”

How her soul ached to be parted from the life sustaining brew!

It was unnerving how confidently the quiet woman navigated the gilded halls and portraits of the dead. The guards gave her no trouble and let her into the prince’s parlor. There she sat on a small chair, took up a tablet and commenced to draw without a second glance.

But the blonde was not satisfied, and moved through the rooms of the apartment and returned with a question.

“Where is the prince’s bedchamber?”

The hand never wavered in it’s task.

“Has voice left you? Where is the prince's bedchamber?”

“I cannot give that information.” Life was better when the yelling was next to her, and not at her, and she had coffee. Warm, bitter, earthy-

“And why not? If I’m to bear his heirs, I think knowing where he lies is vital information!”

A small smirk of a woman happily married twenty years played on her lips. How long had it been since she returned home? Speaking of which, if she is staying in Zareen’s service that green-eyed girl will need working. Oh,  _ that _ look. Too many girls have that look when they start. When they still think-

“I asked you a question!”

Her sister was right about everything. This girl was a self-entitled brat with no strength to hold her tongue. Did she answer her sister’s latest letter? What was it about? Was it about the pups?

“Suddenly she’s dumb and mute! Then answer me this; where are your sleeping quarters?”

“Across the hall.”

“Across the-. Across the hall!  _ This  _ hall?!”

She warned that Zareen wouldn’t be happy with this arrangement. What woman would? Now all this yelling was giving her a headache.

“Yes.”

Zareen started to pace, pace and drink. She must have a talent for locating libations with her generous nose. So much like the young prince’s, reflected Lady Marguerite as she flipped through to her older sketches of her old ward. Such tired eyes. Must have inherited them from the queen. The queen’s eyes only grew wearier and sadder with each passing year. Not only did she wear then burden of her missing sister, but the ever present threat of Prince Alexandre’s-

The door opened.

“He deems to show his face!”

“Loon! These are my private quarters! If you’ve come to ask forgiveness it’s not needed. Simply improve your manner. It’s late, and there is much to be done before I can see the dawn.” But his stubborn bride would not let him go to his office.

“For what reason am I being denied my right to complete my duty?!”

“Woman, I could ask the same of you!”

“Why can’t I find your bedchamber?!”

“Oh not this!” The prince collapsed in a chair beside Lady Marguerite who seemed to have mastered the art of pretending she was elsewhere. “Can you not find other things to occupy your mind? Like not insulting the right hand of the queen?”

“I care not for her role! I am the one legally tied to the family, yet I’m banished to the east wing of the palace while she enjoys a place across your hall!”

“Because sometimes I need her in the middle of the night! I often work late and can only have a trusted member of the court! It is her job that requires her to be there!”

“And what of my job?!”

“What job?! All I ask is that you act civilly in public, and tonight you couldn’t be bothered!”

Zareen stood with her back to the fire so she was square in front of her prey.

“I need a baby!”

“Then go get one!”

“That’s not how that works, my lord!”

Looking like his soul was leaving his body he dismissed the woman with her drawing pad, and silently prayed.

“I do not care how anything works.” He said, slow and even. “You have all the facts in front of you. You can make your choice.”

“The facts have I?! You never told me your mistress enjoys more privileges than I! There’s nothing she can do that I can’t do faster, harder, and better! You can test us both at the same time.”

Alexander buried his face in his gloves. “I pray you, let that be commentary on your errand running.”

“Name the task and I’ll best her. Anything!”

“I ask so little, yet I return from a horrifying evening to a banshee.”

“What? You like your women meek? I can do that!”

“If only you would. This conversation does nothing to improve my headache.” 

“Your headache? Do you think nothing of my own ills?! I’m a laughingstock!” She threw around her arms.

“If people laugh or if you’re then the cause can only be found in your actions, princess.”

“Why is it when men suffer it is the doing of women, or life bedeviling them, but when women suffer they have only themselves to blame?!”

“Who caused you to drink?! Who made you an arse at dinner?! Who thinks of your empty womb?! I place blame for all women’s suffering not on their heads, but from where I sit you’ve brought on every pain on yourself!”

“Did you call me an arse, sir?!” 

“Yes!” The prince shot up to meet the princess’s furious gaze. “You made yourself a very fine arse at dinner, indeed! I’m sure the court has never had the pleasure of looking upon such a great arse!”

“Do you,” the blonde growled, “have any idea what befell the last man who spoke to me in such a manner?”

“You met him in a closet like the whore you are?”

Like a flash of lightning the two collided. Instead of the softness of rose petals their mouths were hard, teeth pinched, hands fisted hair and clothes, it was like they wanted to consume each other. Sweat from the fire left salt on their lips that heightened the taste of passion. Knees buckled under the weight of it all, and they fell into a pile of Zareen’s skirts. There was a thumb pushing at her collar, so she ran her hand over his firm and narrow chest, but it was slapped away and she was suddenly without a prince on top of her.

Instead he was smoothing out his clothes and tidying his hair.

“Excuse my indiscretion, your highness. Let me help you. I’ll see you to your room if you like.”

She took the offered hand.

“There is something you can do.” She turned around. “See that clasp right there? Under the hem?”

“Yeah.”

“Could you pull it?”

“Like this?”

“Harder.”

“This?”

The princess’s bodice loosen enough she could remove it, and the rest of her clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'bout time! A came for Courtship and been getting all this courtie stuff! Gawd! What are these people doing?! Not having sex?! Not on my watch! I'm a horny teen with barbies making them trib! Smashie, smashie.   
> Don't forget to donate to our fund to research clothes allergies. Everyday dozens of people are focused to wear clothes despite having an allergy that makes clothes fall off of them. Think of all those politicians! They can't wear pants and are punished for sending crotch pictures to people who don't want to see their penis. It's criminal. Donate today and I'll hug a warm pussy for free! https://crisisaid.givingfuel.com/covid-19


	14. Dumbfounded and Damnations!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think someone's a lesbian. It's really hard to tell.  
> Join us for a royal ball!

Inside the amber carriage glowed like butter, and the young woman was still excited as the week long journey drew near.

“He’ll be tall with fashionable clothes, and a tight- hairstyle! And he’ll bow to me, offer me royal jewels and say, “Please accept these humble tokens to remember our first meeting, as even these rare gems are dull, and rusty compared to your radiant beauty.” Princess squealed. “Oh and the balls! Every day and every night! My card will be full so my bones never rest, and the princess will insist on the first and last dance every single time, but he’ll single to the players to play longer because he can’t stop looking into my eyes or marveling at how small my womanly waist is compared to his thick, manly arms made for lifting women and carrying to his-”

“Princess you’re drooling and your maid is turning green with this school-girl nonsense.”

Indeed a handkerchief was required.

“I can’t stand the wait! Why can’t we be there now?!”

“A lady’s charm is in her calm. She who masters her-”

“Masters her temper masters the hearts of men. I know, Pearl! I know! Yet I see no men in here in need of mastering!” The princess fell to the sill. “Look at all the gay bees dancing in the rose perfumed air. All of nature is delighting in romance and you would have me stoic and as unfeeling as that distant mountain that never experiences spring!”

“That mountain has been admired so long has there’s been people to gaze upon it. Your bees will die in a month.”

“How cruel! Verdie save me from this frozen, stone-hearted woman!” The maid was about to be smothered, so she leaned out the window for freedom. 

“Hark! The gatehouse approaches!”

“Where?!”

Like a blazing candle in the dark the cedar tree forest ended in a blinding marble gate house. Towering women with hair that flowed from crown to their bare feet reached out across the silver gate that twisted like vines bejeweled in thorns that reached for the sky. Behind the gate were falling waters that went as far as the eye could see. It was like the headwaters spilled from Posedian's temple and tumbled down pass barely clothed nymphs frozen in their merriment at the water’s edge at various gardens painting the hill. 

The procession traveled at the foot of the falls, where the water had vaporized and shrouded figures who sounded like they tended great airborne babbling brooks, but as far as Zareen leaned into the cool mist only shadows could be seen. The woods fell behind and curving cobblestone carried them higher to a palace built for the marriage of sky and sea. Aegean hues melded into every hue to lapis to azure on the rounded palace walls so it looked like the sky was sitting on a lake of dancing waters with columns that held the heavens aloft. Such a contrast was it from the sun drenched courts of her home Zareen didn’t even notice when they arrived. There was a wide path that took them over a pond of endless depth that mirrored the sky, adding lily pads, wide enough to sit a man, to the clouds. 

Even inside water fell beside the stair cases and could be heard in the walls. She felt more like a jelly fish floating on the tide than a woman of flesh and blood being lead through halls of stone.

And even the washroom sought to bring the sea to her. Shells covered everything! They even came down from the ceiling to point a shell shaped tub carved into the marble floor. There was no need to carry buckets to it, a pump brought hot or cold water. It was as if she’d found herself in an enchanted castle and pay midnight she’d have her prince ticket!

Now one would think that the picking of a dress was a simple affair. This one is pretty, put it on. Those people are men. When women with little else to occupy their thoughts the choosing of dress takes a fortnight. Much back and forth had accompanied the group on the trip, and now had spilled into a six hour discussion. Blue was traditional, it’d show she belonged. But gold would make her stand out, and accentuate her finest features. Still pink brought such a youthful glow to her, and purple-! 

Zareen decided a compromise.

“What color is the prince’s eyes?”

“As I recall, they’re an aqua color, like a southern sea,” Thought Pearl.

“Yes, like a rare gem. The queen wastes several small fortunes scouring the Earth for jewels to match the eyes of her children. Never was there such a waste. I blame our grandmother for that. The dowager queen started all that business.” The Queen complained. 

“Funny, that’s not how I remember it,” Pearl muttered under her breath. 

The final touch was a string of pearls round her neck and in her hair, before she was lead to the parlor in her bright blue dress, in a corset tighter than it’s ever been and left to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

“Does Prince Alexandre know he is to receive me?” The princess asked her mother who’d taken to her letters on the sofa.

“Of course. I’m sure there’s a good reason. Maybe one last man-to-man chat. Pearl’s over there worrying her handkerchief to shreds.

“Pearl! I give you handkerchiefs every year, yet you still ruin those rags instead! What do you do with them?!”

“My apologies, your highness. But to see the little princess looking like a little China doll ready for a prince-!” Tears had to be dabbed. “If she only held her peace, she’d be engaged by this evening and gone off to make little princes of her own!” 

The queen rolled her wrinkled amber eyes as her Pearl broke down into hysterics. She was like this the night all those years ago when she herself had to woo a king to be.

Hurried footsteps approached. A man in finery looked into the room, then walked past. As if lost, he returned, looked and walked past again. Now there was heated whispers outside that went on for a time.

“Oh this is ridiculous!” Zareen put her fists on her hips. 

“Silence!” Snapped Pearl.

“Patience. The biggest buck is the most skittish.” 

“I’ve waited forever!”

“Need I remind you and everyone here how long  _ you  _ kept us waiting under worse circumstances than this?

“Now, for one night pretend you’re not my daughter and behave in a manner suitable for a princess of this court!”

“Yes, your majesty.” The princess curtsied, well reflecting on all the times she had pretended she were someone else’s daughter. None of those times did she wear her maidenhead so high. Is there punishment for bearing a false crown?

The prince was announced, and he stomped into the room. He bowed, a rail thin thing no taller than Zareen, but at least his eyes did match her dress. 

“Pleased to make your distinguished acquaintance, Princess Zareen. May I present you with this token to mark our meeting.” His voice was hurried as he held out a rose the color of moonlight at arm’s length. There was a gasp somewhere. It was defective rose. Was she as insulted as herself? 

“I thank you for sparing a thought for me. I’ve dreamed of the moment when we would meet in the flesh. I only hope to bring as much pleasure to you, as you have me.” 

This was as deep of a courtesy she could manage, making sure her “pearls” were on display. By the blush on his cheeks he took notice.

The prince coughed into his hand, and helped her up. 

“Yes. It-ah-very- glad-...I’m very honored to have you in our house!” The prince bowed to her mother, his tiny, slightly curled ponytail bounced over his bow and landed on his head. “Now we mustn’t keep the people waiting!” 

He rushed out of the room, forgetting something rather important. The Queen groaned, Pearl sobbed, a strawberry blonde giggled, and Zareen stood there dumbfounded. 

At least it didn’t take long for the prince to be corrected and he returned to ask for the princess’s hand.

“Of course, dear Prince Alexandre. You do know how to keep a girl breathless with anticipation.” With just her arm resting on his, it made keeping up a tad difficult. It seemed hurry was the pace for today. Which is a shame. There were hallways after hallways of admirers to see the beauty who stole the prince’s heart. And Zareen was happy to let them have their fill. She’d make sure all that saw her knew the prince was her’s, even if he was the last one to know it.

The royal family had to be announced. Atop a polished coral staircase that was made in a solid red color she could look down on a ballroom fit for a sea queen! It was open on both sides to the watery scape beyond, columns were carved into sea creatures that crawled up to a vaulted ceiling or down to the marble floor. There were shadowed alcoves where nude semi-human creatures poured water and wine for the guests. And everyone wore blue gowns with silver and pearls. 

Only the calling of her name woke her from her daze. 

“I assume I may have your first dance, but may I also take your last?”

“My last? Have as many as you like, but the last dance is a polka, and I simply live for a waltz! You must waltz with me!”

Thinking this was a bargain that had to be met, Alexandre agreed. And together they joined his parents on the dance floor to open the ball. As tempting as it was to see the glowing green eyes on her graceful form, the first order of the day was to make sure she looked in love. So like a puppy she tried to soften her face, keep a small smile, and gaze into his sunken eyes that had the night before still in them.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Huh?” Smiling nicely was difficult.

“You have a strange look on your face.”

_ Damnations!  _

“Maybe I’ve been cruelly struck by mischievous cupid. Or maybe it’s because I know  _ who you really are. _ ” The music was perfectly timed as the prince was struck stiff. Color drained from his face.

“What do you mean?!” He leaned closer so no one heard him.

Zareen held her fan to her left cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Points for Dinah doing the mom thing. She's so busy thinking about Maj's mom's boobs.  
> Calm down, Pearl. Go rant to your sister. This ain't your first or last rodeo.   
> Oh noes! What does that horn-wily princess have up her sleeve?! Who could the prince really be?! I am shooketh!   
> I missed writing parallels. Been so busy feeling bad for Verdie. I have to hurt her.


	15. Nudes and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zareen is stripping and Alexandre can't get hands on her fast enough.

“Nope!” Prince Alexandre grabbed his disrobing bride by the shoulders. “No! No! No!” And pushed her out of the room, with a “Praise Jesus!” before locking the door behind him.

“You say no, I say,” she was nearly down to her shift, “It’s mighty hot out here! How these fine guards can stand it I’ll never know! I feel so free!” Now only a thin muslin shift covered her. “But I could stand more freedom!” It’d mean ripping all the steams, but she’d never been closer. So what if two men- 

“You’re a woman!” remarked Zareen taking heed of a hefty guard, twice her size with marigold hair. 

“Yes! Royal Guards-Person Peach Aventurine, your highness!” 

“How queer! Well, be a doll and help me out of this thing.” She turned to point at the back of her under dress.

“My orders are to guard the prince at all costs, princess Zareen!”

“Well, do that while helping me achieve a natural state.”

“Lady Marguerite approaches, your highness!” Bellowed the guards. 

Like a dandelion bloom, the consort floated over the discarded clothes and past the quickly unlocked and re-locked door. Naturally this meant Zareen could go in. Two spears crossed in front of her nose. 

“None may enter until the prince or Lady Marguerite orders it!”

Heat darted from her eyes, enough to strike a man dead.

“Am I not his wife?! Whose crown rests on my head?! I am Princess Zareen Jacinth Melichrysos Sedaris Canary Diamond and I  _ demand _ this door be open this instant!”

Doors don’t take orders. They are doors.

However this one opened to reveal the most hated of any face Zareen could conjure. 

“The prince humbly begs your forgiveness, and desires I take you to your room as he prepares himself.”

“It’s high time I was treated like the princess I am! You may take me, but don’t dawdle.” She stepped over her dress and started down the hall, a low groan barely heard, like a man who’d been asked “Just how old were you really on your twenty-fifth birthday?” 

Rapid footsteps approached from behind and before Zareen could turn around a light coat of splendid sapphire silk wrapped her in a spicy musk.

“If you refuse to wear your own clothes, at least take mine.”

Zareen’s fingers gripped the edge and pulled it closer.

“I’ll gladly wear anything my  _ husband desires _ .”

“Then wear that new gown you just left on the floor.”

“But it’s dirty!”

“Yes, but why?”

Zareen grabbed his tie, and pulled it over her shoulder to whisper, “Because you are. Now why don’t you take me to my room?”

How many sighs can one soul produce?

“My thoughts shall be on you all night, this I swear. But first you must return to your room, and I only trust Lady-”

“You’d trust me with  _ just  _ a thin and frail woman? There’s such a very, very, very, very long walk  _ all  _ the way to my danstance room! Anything could happen!” 

“Guards Person Aventurine company the princess and Lady Marguerite to the princess's chamber, when they dismiss you, you may return to your normal post.”

Disappointed by the lack of royal escort, Zareen nearly stomped the whole way back. The fact she looked like a lady of night returning from the princes’s chamber did nothing to improve her mood. If the guard wasn’t there she’d strangle Marguerite. That strange shadow whose silence only signal victory over the blood born princess. As soon as she was returned she dismissed them both and shouted for her maid. Verdie had fallen asleep in a chair by the fire, her mending still in her lap. 

“Up! Get up, strip and get in that bed!” Zareen slapped her work to the ground and tore at her own wig.

Dazed and startled by the wrathful bark Verdi fumbled about, her lack of immediate compliance stoked the temper, so the blonde grabbed the maid and pulled her up dragging her to the bed, but Verdie resisted. 

“Can’t we just talk?! ” Verdi pleaded knowing that bed was the last place she wanted to be.

“Talk?! There’s nothing to talk about! I just want to strum something! Now either lose the clothes or I can rip them off and take them out of your pay!”

“No!” 

“No? No?!” Zareen pulled her close her eyes flashing like Zues’s rage. “You don’t don’t get to tell me no! I shall be denied no more!”

Terrified, the maid yanked away her bruised wrist, and shook her head, blinded by her tears. 

“I don’t like you when you’re like this!” Down she flew the servant’s stairs the haunting shattering sound of glass chasing her. It felt like every broken thing was right on heels. The dark, tears, uneven steps, and her voluminous skirts worked to send her tumbling down the final turn, the wall held her for a moment then she crashed in a sobbing heap on the worn stone floor.

“You poor thing!” An earthy voice shouted in concern and rushed to her side. “Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere!” Verdie managed between sobs, her whole body hurt down to her soul. 

“Now, now,” the voice chided, “it can’t be all that bad. Let me see.” 

Verdie’s hands where taken by cool and smooth hands that were so small they fit perfectly in her own; they glided over fingers and wrists sending shivers down to Verdie’s throbbing toes. Verdie looked and saw one of the castles maids. One of the dozen that had joined Princess’s Zareen’s circle.

“Aura-Aura? That’s you, yes?”

She had the strangest eyes. Gray? Hazel? In the torch light they looked lavender. They were the most enchanting eyes Verdie had ever seen.

“-lite, but most folks call me Aura. Can you stand?” She offered her hand, so Verdi had to try, but the pain in her leg was too great. 

“Alright, let’s see. Take off your stocking.” Aura went to get her candle. 

“What?!” She couldn’t reach into her skirts in the hall to bare her leg! 

“Oh come on! You haven’t got anything I haven’t seen, and the hall boy comes down I’ll box their ears. Now off with it. I need to see if I need to get the doctor.”

Verdie tried to slow her racing heart with a deep breath. Sometimes she forgot how normal girls interacted. 

“Right. I’m sure it’s not so bad, but um… don’t look.”

“Fine,” Aura sighed, and turned around, hands on her hips until the injured party had her stocking down to a quickly growing egg shaped purple lump. With fingers as light as a butterfly kiss she felt the area. It was the most intimately Verdie had ever been touched, and the tears sprung up anew.

“Is it that bad? I’ll get a-”

“No! It’s not that! I just- I realized I was in love with the wrong person.”

“Aw,” for a moment those dreamy eyes were going to warm and tell her that love was near and then they’d lean in and- “no need wasting time on men. They don’t give you money for being married. Come on, we need get you to bed. Sooner we can get that leg up the better chance you have of feeling up to work in the morning.” 

Despite her slim and small frame, Aura bore her weight easily as they crawled down the hall. When they got to Verdie’s room, Aura didn’t leave.

“Hurry up.”

“What?” 

“Every one else is in bed; get your dress off,”  _ Dear heavens! _ “ and I’ll get your stays so you can sleep. Your wrists must be sore from the fall.”  _ That’s right it was a perfectly normal thing to have girls help each other dress and undress. _ Life with the princess had made her use to being alone. So either she undressed herself or...tears pricked her eyes.

“It’s okay. I can manage. You were probably-”

“I was avoiding Randy. Little snip’s been gawking for a month. Wants to follow me to my bed. The nerve! If I thought I could make more money selling kisses I’d be doing that tomorrow and never pick up another stocking from a vase.”

Nervous laughter is not a conscious response. 

“Now are you going to waste my time or what?”

“Um.. I just want to stay in my clothes. I’ll change in the morning. If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind anything.” Aura stretched, and yawned. “Hey, are you going to cry all night or can I sleep in your chair?”

Verdie fell back. “I’m too tired to cry. I’ll save them for a rainy day. Please, take my chair. I’d offer my bed, but it’s too small.”

“Aye.” She bent to take off her boots. “There’s so afraid of us having mates, but lock the doors to keep the raff out and it’s the sack for you. Bloody hypocrisy is what that is. 

“By the by, this don’t make us friends. That princess of yours isn’t popular. Get a bottle or two in her and she’s grabbing any ass that passes. Rubs the staff downstairs the wrong way. No one knows why we have to put up with her if the prince ain’t shagging her.”

“What?!” Despite everything the instinct to defend her mistress was still strong. 

Practiced hands took off her head dressing in the low light. Her hair was so pale it looked almost gray, and so soft Verdie thought if she reached out to touched it would melt away. 

“Come off it! Shameless is what she is! Making scenes and throwing herself at our prince. No lady should act like that. She must be desperate to have that babe so she can’t be tossed out on her over powdered backside. It’s all any of us can talk about.

“Oh we were all a tittered with the thought of an exotic beauty great enough for our dear prince, and sure she looked good in her wedding gown, but as soon as she opened her mouth we smelled disaster on her breath.

“We canna figure why he married her! She’s awful! The opposite of the prince in every way! Right terror! Takes six of us to clean up her messes. Only one handles the prince’s water closet and bedroom. Hard to believe she was raised in a palace and not a pigsty.”

_ Was Za-Za really so bad?  _ What was really happening around here? She opened to respond.

“Don’t bother. You can’t bad mouth the boss. Two of you were nearly attached at the hip. I understand. We’re all fiercely protective of the princes and the queen. Not so much the new queen, don’t know too much about her, but she seems like a dear. Not like what Prince Alexandre brought home. I hope no one starts rumor that he’s a deviant of some kind.”

“What’s so great about him?” Verdie finally had to say.

“Alexandre? For one thing he never bothers us after dark. Lights out is our time. Even in the dead of winter. The only expectation is the kitchen. Only his inner circle see him at night, and they were the ones that diapered him. He’s terribly shy. Hm, no. Not shy.” Aura hugged her knees. “Private’s a better word. And when he goes for his monthly tour he takes no one with him. Very few even know when he goes. I think he only takes Lady Marguerite before dawn.”

“A tour?”

“Yeah,” yawned, and settled back. “For a week and a half the prince goes on a tour of the country in disguise to see what needs fixin’. But last time he was out for a while and muttering about horses. Very quiet that one.

“If I snore, don’t wake me. Some of us have work in the morning.”

Laying in her bed nothing felt real. Part of Verdie thought she was still sleeping in the chair waiting for her lady to return and touch her gently, and sweetly lead her to that grand royal bed that was never cold. A cute girl sleeping close enough to touch, and an ache that pulsed from her shin, her palms, her shoulder, and deep in her chest. There was too much to think on. Too much to feel. The moon was so bright the stars were hiding behind her veil. If only she could sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hello to Auralite! She came back! T^T The OG Courtship maid! She wasn't lesbian enough, but now we have Verdie.
> 
> Isn't it cute how the newlyweds aren't sleeping?


	16. The Hidden Grotto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the promised waltz the prince takes Zareen to a deep, dark place away from eyes. What will he do to the princess?

“Hold me tighter! I can touch the bruise as proof of your passion!” The prince stopped and let go of the princess. They were alone in a forgotten hall where the columns were choked with sprays of lavender wisteria that grew pale in the starlight.

“My apologies. If you would be so kind.” The prince bowed and continued in his anxious pace. 

Zareen crossed her arms and grunted. At least there was no one around to see the literal distance between them. So she followed where the click of their shoes were the only sounds. This part of the palace was abandoned to nature, moss bloomed through the plaster and glass winked up at her, but if there was a bedroom, she thought, maybe she could get this whole manner expedited. Instead Alexandre disappeared into a forest of hydrangeas. It was an old path so overgrown her dress could barely pass, everything wanted to grab her and turn her into a statue, a trophy of nature’s conquest of men. The path sloped down and slippery. Not able to see anything a smooth rock rejected her foot and hurled her forward onto the prince’s back.

“If you weren’t wearing that ridiculous outfit you’d be able to see where you were going.”

“As I recall, the night called for dancing; I’d argue I’m appropriately attired.”

“As  _ I  _ recall you were trying to get me alone.”

“Well, I’d say I’ve achieved that.”

Back on her feet, she heard rushing water. Around the bend was a silver waterfall in front of a grotto carved out of the cliff. It must have been some grand place with it’s crystal chandelier, sconces,resting couches, and mirrors that brought the world inside. But now it belonged to the spiders.

“Are you going to loosen your tongue now?” The prince reprimanded.

“It’s so horribly dark. Can’t we get some light?”

“And let the whole world know we’re here?”

“You’re right.” Zareen tousled her hair, and smirked. “Solitude is best when discussing matters of intimacy.” She swayed her hips, while moving closer to the prince.

“Out with it! I will have no scandals!” Fists clenched to his side, he stood his ground.

“Scandal.” She rolled the word around like a bon-bon on her tongue. “It would be a scandal if they all knew of that  _ private _ manner.” She stared at his trousers, and Alexandre swallowed.

“W-w-well? What-Who do you think I am?!”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” She took the final steps to him, “those lips you always lick, the way you keep your feet close together even when you walk,” she looped her arms behind his head, and pressed her breasts against his chest, “how your gaze lingers. Your nature betrays you even with your breath.”

“It’s-It’s not true!”

“Don’t deny it, love. Embrace it! Let me embrace it! We can start right here! This very night! Inside, where the world’s judging gaze will never see, we can shed our earthly ties and be reborn as our deepest, truest selves!”

Their lips were so close.

“Za-Za-”

“Hush! Those names belong to them! In here we are as God made us! We will move together as He commands! Nothing is sin if it is God’s will! You needn’t say anything, simply move! Touch! I will take it all and return it!”

“I don’t think-”

“Yes! Stop thinking! Just  _ feel! _ You want this! You always have! And now I’m here. We  _ need  _ this! One night where nothing is denied! One night where we are truly alive! 

“We can make this Eden! A perfect paradise for only us!” She slid her hands over his shoulders and chest to rest at his waistcoat. “We must! To do nothing is to perish and live the rest of our lives never knowing!”

“Damnations, woman! You’ve got my head spinning! I need to lie down.”

“And I’ll join you! We’ll make a bed of my dress and-”

“What?”

“Undo my corset!”

The prince rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Are-are you trying to-?”

“We can do it with my dress on, but it’s much more difficult to aim.

He waved his hands to stop the blonde from undressing herself.

“You said you knew who I was. What did you mean? I must know before another word is uttered.”

“Dear prince, I know you’re a red-blooded man like any other with manly needs.” She tried to grab his crotch but was denied

“Ah. I see.” Alexandre released her, and bathed his face in the falls. Leaving the princess to stew. “ I think you’re confused about my intentions. I’ve made it clear I hope to announce the engagement between our houses. It’s neither a bride or wife I seek, I need a princess that can shine for her people and bear a less than traditional marital arrangement. There are a myriad of obligations that will keep me from my princess, so she must be independently minded; able to fill her days without a husband. Everything I’ve heard suggests that you’d be perfect for that. All your future plans involved being married in name only. Now is your opportunity to correct me if I’m wrong.”

Alexandre looked over the silver garden and waited….and waited… and waited. Did she vanish? He looked back to find the blonde staring at his… he cleared his throat, and moved his coat tails to cover his rear. 

“I understand if you need time to-”

“Time for what? I was lost meditating on..” she trailed off.

“My proposal.”

“For..?”

“Marriage.”

“Let’s do it! If love’s bloom is neglected the assple-uh- apple can never grow.” She batted her eyes while advancing. 

The prince frowned. “Princess Zareen!”

“Call me Za-Za! We’re all alone.”

“ _ Princess Zareen!  _ There is not now nor shall there ever be any love between us! This is a business arrangement. One that simply requires that you act as a lady of your station. If that’s agreeable you can send your reply. For now we should return, lest people talk.”

“They do so little else,” Zareen lamented, entangling her arms around the prince’s arm as he started to leave. “I don’t even get a kiss?” In the silver mist of the fall she leaned closer, causing the prince to fidget with his gloves, and bite his cheek.

“Please, princess, we are not engaged, it would be wholly inappropriate.”

“Seal mine lips with yours and no confession shall pass.” Moonlight was caught by the spray and broken into the spectrum. 

“Uh, I am a man. A man of honor. I shall do nothing to compromise the reputation your mother has dedicated so much to. In fact, I shall see you to safety and then enter separately to give the crowds no fuel.”

“Is not the hidden world one that exists only to fairies and those privileged builders? Without a vow from your lips how can I be sure of the truth of your words? By dawn all tender affections may be overpowered. Would you be so kind as to quieten the shaking of my virgin heart?” She had moved closer and could swear she hurt a snort at the “virgin heart” part.

“I shall do you better than a phantom token. I’ll write the queen this night. Now we must hurry. The last dance will be called soon.”

So the prince bravely abandoned the princess in the ruined hall so that they could enter the dance hall separate. They shared their third and final dance to the gossips delight. Even though Zareen had not secured the insurance she had sought she still managed to be the belle of the ball and finish the night with a few rings in her new bed. But she and her maid were not alone in that sleepless night, in that same palace coded letters were read, tossed, and reread while a quill spilled ink in dark pools on anxiously scrawled parchment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was at that moment Zareen found an ass as fine as her own, and thanked satan she was bi.   
> Be honest if you were a lesbian and this blondie poured it on that thick you'd gay out.   
> When will Zareen stop being naked?...When she stops trying to have sex.  
> You want a kiss, but your boo wants legal documents.


	17. Sex and the Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Princess Zareen pauses her noble quest for dick to attend court.  
> Trigger warning: Discussions of rape.

“A year has passed, you’d think she’d retire. A girl like that would have no trouble having children.”

“But the question is if that child belonged to her husband.”

“Horrible! I heard she clings to the prince in his quarters all day.”

“I heard she’s been seen naked in the palace halls singing and following any man that calls her!”

“Devil child! No one’s seen her in church. I’ve always said that where the light of the good word shines not the seeds of evil grow. Of all the royalty why was she selected? Men have no taste!”

“None! My Mary is twice the beauty of  _ her _ .”

“Your Mary can’t hold a candle to my Chastity.”

“Of course not! Mary never wears a harness.”

Sure they bowed and curtsied as she passed but all eyes were on her tightly cinched waist. Not only did she still know know where her husband’s bed was, but she was still shadowed by her husband’s mistress who meekly obeyed and stayed silent. Adding to insult Verdie now took more time off and rarely warmed her sheets. It seemed as if her maid wished to be just that. 

So if all were so determined against her, she’d do as she damn well pleased. This is why she had painted herself and donned a hunting dress to attend court. There was an uproar as she up-rooted a few seats for her and her court. She made sure to wave when introduced and blow a kiss to her husband seated in the highest occupied position in the center. How delightful it was to glimmer and shine in the seat of power!

On this day her presence was definitely not welcomed as a Lord stood and appealed to Prince that the women should not be permitted to stay as the case was one of such an appalling nature it would surely overwhelm their delicate constitutions. To this the prince bay that a review of the case be read aloud for the duel purposes of refreshing the facts in the mind of the attendants and to allow the ladies to decide for themselves if their constitutions could handle it.

After five years of marriage a wife had left her husband to return home, four weeks after that he broke into the house and attacked his own wife. The bruising and broken glass were clear enough but the matter for debate was if it was possible for a husband to rape a wife. At this some of Zareen court were so fluttered they left, begging the princess to follow, but she waved them off, crossing her legs and resting her head on her hand.

“What say you Princess Zareen?” Prince Alexandre called.

“I fail to see how a case that involves a woman should not be a woman’s business. If my ladies wish leave, I let them, but I shall stay and see what these fine men have to say.”

“As you wish.”

“Your highness! Women have no business in legal affairs! I must ask that if they cannot recognize the limits of their sex then they must be forced to reason! It is your duty to guard them against their worst impulses!”

“I thank you my lord for expressing your opinion,” responded the prince with a dry air of exasperation, “however, as the law affects all people it goes to follow that all people should be allowed to bare witness. Should they wish to leave they have every means to do so at their discretion, same as the means that brought them here this day. So without further objection let us proceed.

…   
Three hours and Zareen was now short. The need to destroy was strong.

“The Crown accepts that on marriage the law presumes that a wife consents to sexual intercourse with her husband.”

“Objection!” She cried. “Does the Crown have their vows?!”

The defensive lawyer, Robert was flustered. 

“Pardon?”

“Answer,” ordered a judge.

“What have vows to do with it?”

“The Crown is only assuming that the marriage was acceptance of sexual intercourse, but what proof is there? In fact, where is your proof of a marriage? I see a registrar, and a license, but from the facts presented the defendant had not acted as a husband in a substantial amount of time. How are we even to know he provided food, adequate shelter? We know he didn’t provide safety. Whatever contract was between them was broken before the wife left. If he cannot act as husband, how is she to act as a wife?

“Without witness to a contract that explictly says that sex was a part of their marriage contract then why should not all marriages end the second a husband takes a wife? For I, and all these noble men can contest that my husband, that devilishly handsome prince over there, did swear to Almighty God to forsake all others. Should he take a mistress I could say our union was forfeit and see fit to marry any fine gentlemen of my choosing. I should hope I could find comfort among the fine lords here.”

“Your highness,” returned the defense, “But the husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given up herself in this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract." 

“And women are so famously known for steadfastness, and men for fidelity,” joked the princess to the laughter of all. Further arguments were exchanged, but chiefly between the lawyers. After a long day the court convened, so the lot gathered in fresh air. Sleep heavy in her legs, Zareen rushed along the edge of the courtyard, her ladies huffing to keep up, save Lady Marguerite who stood under cover with a gaggle of gossips. No doubt they had plenty to say about the princess who jogged along like a child and likewise could not hold her tongue. 

On her third circuit passed the chestnut tree she was caught by the prince, who fell in step next to her.

“I suppose you’re here to scold me. Well, at least do me the kindness of sparing my dignity and do so in private quarters.” She sniffed, knowing that this adventure could only add to the list of the prince's grievances against her.

“I find this day to be particularly draining, and am taking dinner in my private quarters. I don’t think I could stand the posturing of old cocks a minute longer. If you have nothing pressing, and if would give you pleasure, I’d like it if you were to join me. I warn you I'm a dull company, but I trust you can entertain yourself in the worst case.”

“Let’s see.” She pretended to fumble through her memories until she made it to her watchdog. “Lady Marguerite, pray, what did I have planned for this evening?”

“Her majesty planned to drink and gamble until sauced and then-”

“I think I can put that off for the evening. Name the hour, and shall endeavor to ready myself by then. I make no promises.”

“Very well. We sup at nine. Princess.” With a bow he left, and soon Zareen was beaming and scheming. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made a promise not to have rape in my stories without it being a focus and we've gotten very close more than once in having it. (Thank Zareen everyone) But here we're discussing it, so I thought it was more appropriate. Plus this was an actual case that went through the English court. The defense was so screwed they could only try to remove the precedent that rape could happen in marriage. A noble cause, but they lost. Big time. So in England your spouse can still rape you.  
> But this is the sort of thing Zareen love to sink her teeth in as sex in marriage is only implied. Wedding vows never state it, nor is it written in a license. So by her reasoning it's not even legal to not rape a woman even if she's married. She will fuck up the law just because it's poorly dressed.  
> Drink every time you see Mary.


	18. Drink The Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to feel naked with your clothes on.

“ I’m doomed!” Princess Zareen despaired as she flung herself on a pile of never wore gowns. “There’s nothing here suitable!”

“Milady looks well in anything,” comforted a maid. Verdi was standing next to Aura who looked like a disappointed tutor who was just too tired to care anymore. It was so cute, a giggled escaped.

“You mock me?! You’re the one who’s hardly around! You are incapable of comprehending what it's like to have nothing to cover yourself!”

Verdi opened her mouth to reply, but Aura shook her head not to. Confused, the maid continued. “You’ll look fine in anything. You’re flowing with beauty.” Lavender eyes rolled.

“ _ I  _ know that! Men-! Men are rocks, unseeing of the loveliness that is the flowers that cling to the barren soil!” The princess began to pace. 

Verdi felt a nudge in her side.

“ _ Don’t feed that brat’s ego!”  _ Aura whispered. “ _ Maybe if she thinks something is amiss she might grow up and we won’t need to powder her great backside!” _

It was the first time Verdi heard voice to some of her private thoughts and it was thrilling, but they’d have to wait until night to speak freely. The green-eyed woman now lived for those tête-à-têtes.

“You!”

Verdi jumped thinking she was to be outed. But it was Zareen was pointing to Lady Marguerite. “You pick something suitable. If you can find nothing here, then go fetch it!” 

Lady Marguerite laid her book aside, and went to the back of the closet and pulled out a soft corn silk shift dress of no remark.

“That? I was forced to wear that as a girl. I don’t even remember packing it. Verdi?”

“Pearl, maybe, your highness? She was very fond of it and often spoke of…” It didn’t look good to speak ill of people.”

“She knew I’d finally dress myself in the very gaudy fashion I always wanted. And she was right. But tonight I’ll try someone else’s way. I’ve gone no further with my own methods. Well, don’t just stand there! You picked a dress, go find something to put with it. Verdi dress, and then we’ll need to get the makeup right.”

Perfumed oils where applied to skin, and hair, kohl lined her eyes, and was combed into her lashes, lips painted a blood red and hair was being wrapped around a rat, Lady Marguerite returned with a black sash, matching choker and white rose pendant. She said nothing, but stared at the princess reflection. And stared. And stared. And stared.

“Speak! I pray you speak!” Zareen cried.

“I’ve never seen the prince keep company with a lady done up so.”

“So?”

“Don’t the actresses use paints and kohls like that?”

“Get to your meaning!”

“I have none. Opinions are poison in courts.”

“Then what do you suggest?” Having this shapeless viper so close had tested Zareen’s nerves. With a quick hand the kohl was wiped into a thin wing over her eyes, her lips where wiped to a blushing stain, and a stain was applied to her cheeks to add a natural glow. Her hair was then simply pulled back in a low ponytail. The sash was wrapped beneath her bust, the choker added, the rose clipped to dangle from her neck.

“I’m the plainest woman to ever enter these halls,” Zareen pouted.

“The plainer the adornments, the brighter a lady’s beauty shines.” Offered the smiling Lady Marguerite.

“I feel practically naked.”

“Was that not the point?” 

***

Lady Marguerite walked to the far end of the palace. Through many doors and glided corridors they arrived in a small dining room done in an ancient style. The only windows were a thin row nestled high under the dark oak ceiling. Candles carried light beyond the reach of a fireplace grand enough for five men to walk in abreast. So bright was it, the stark white, imported marble it was made of glowed orange and it’s carved figures seem to dance. To her amusement it was adorned with the same carefree women who enjoyed being liberated from such mortal concerns like time and clothes. She noticed the long table wasn’t set and briefly worried she was late, then remembered her shadow who helped herself to a couch and opened a book she had tucked away. 

_ No doubt she’s been here before,  _ Zareen bitterly thought as she rubbed her arms. Smoke blurred the far edges, yet very little offended her nose. She cast her eyes over carved beams to see where it might be gathering when the prince was announced. He flew in, and bowed to the princess, who returned in time with Lady Marguerite.

“Lady Marguerite, by your leave, if it pleases you the rest of the evening is yours, I’ll attend to the princess.”

The lady curtsied and left without a word, leaving the two to wait as dishes were set on the table. 

“You-uh-you look different this eve.”

“Oh, this old thing? As we are family I thought I’d dress to be more comfortable.” Zareen picked at the thin material flowing from her waist. The warm toned material seemed to glow in the firelight and blur like the edges of a fog.

“It s-suit you. No doubt you enjoy flaunting your nature charms without the added babbles and paint.”

“Well,” Zareen sighed, “it’s not like I need them, but is not the loveliest bloom enhanced by dew?”

“I find water enhances most things.” Alexandre remarked absentmindedly.

“And men need a firm watering hand,” Zareen suggested.

“I find a quick dip in a pool suffices.” The prince replied haven’t missed the hint. Dinner was served and the prince helped by her husband to her chair.

“The lords weren’t happy you were in court today.” Alexandre stated.

“They weren’t happy women were there.”

“I think that’s the core of their dissonance, yes.”

“Where do you believe a woman’s place lies?” The blonde coyly asked her soup.

“That should be obvious,” a shudder of panic ran down the princess’s spine, “women have the right to any space where decisions about women are made. Every human has the right to voice their concerns in the spaces where the laws that govern their lives are written and passed.” 

My how delightful this soup tasted!

“Maybe the lords should bring their ladies with them,” she suggested.

“It will take much persuasion as most ladies find the whole affair dull and whole unappealing. When they can choose between gossip and tea and four hours of debating a new tax on sugar imports, the matter of who’s daughter is having the first spring wedding wins.”

“Well that’s a shame,” a dry white was never so sweet, “I can think of fewer more stimulating things than the spirited debate. The mind starts to whirl, and pieces start to click perfectly in place. Like a machine being built and your mind whirls faster and faster to see what the thing is before it’s complete, just so you can be the first one to name it! Your whole body focuses on a single stream of-of-!”

“Solving it! Like every fiber of your being is set alight and burning to an end! If you can catch it before it sizzles out you can shoot up and shatter into a cascade of brilliant embers!”

“Yes!” The princess reached out and took his quivering fist. “Nothing compares to the heights of it. Like you found your purpose and you’re more human than anyone who has ever lived!”

“More than human!” Alexandre countered. “Like you were made of stars! You could match wits with God!” His eyes were shining, lips the same flush as his cheeks, she could feel the trembling of his body. She wanted him. She wanted that passion in her. She leaned closer.

“Starlings free of earthly ties! Only one thing can get you close! Finding that rare one in a million person that you can share that brilliance with!” She brought her face closer and closer, lowering her eyes as she readied her lips, his head tilted, and she could feel his heat on her cheeks. Just one brush and she could seal the deal. Unlike last time she’d go slower. Tease him with a taste of what she could do until he as mad with lust.

“Erm, so I take it you enjoyed your time in court today.” The warmth was gone, and now Alexandre was hurriedly gulping down soup and wine. 

“Do slow down, my prince, save room for sweet meats.”

“Meat is too heavy for me. I prefer lighter dishes.”

“Oh? But you always dine on cuts that are the envy of all men.”

The prince gently placed down his spoon and tented his fingers.

“Who has power in this society?”

“The crown of course,” Zareen sighed as the plates were taken up and replaced with a heavier course. 

“If all with royal blood was equal my sister would have a chance to rule, and you’d have better on your mind than your bed.”

“It’s so cold at night, and I get such nightmares. If only some clever, strong man would shelter me.” She licked sauce from her lips. 

“Exactly. Men are the strong ones, and women the weak. I may never bare the crown, but that doesn’t stop the courtiers from finding fault with me. I already suffer whispered jeers since I don’t partake in the hunt.”

“The hunt is the definition of a man’s hobby. I’ve thought of seeing what it's all about.”

“Go, I prefer seeing the country on horseback without the rude sound of guns.”

Golden eyes narrowed. “You really don’t mind your _ wife _ taking arms and joining a hunting party?”

“I may be a prince, but I don’t hold value to my opinion. People are free to enjoy whatever they fancy.”

“What if I did it wearing pantaloons?”

“I think that would be sensible.”

“So you want me in a hunting party full of men in pantaloons?”

“I desire nothing.”

“You don’t see anything wrong with that?”

“What would be wrong with it?”

Zareen sat back, her wine limply held. “I’m starting to like you.”

Alexandre swallowed and replied gravely, “I fear the same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Romance in my period drama? It's more common than you think. Maybe these two will make that baby now.


	19. Rabbit Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Princess goes hunting, and her husband enjoys... the view.

_ We cordially invite you to join us at Deer Park for a weekend of hunting and merriment.  _

The hounds barked and nipped at the hems of their handlers, drowning out the thoughts of those close enough. Women in their fine hats fanning themselves over the latest gossip, and men shouldering their arms while complimenting the crisp, fine morning air. Every person was pressed and polished and floated on the cut and raked grass like living ornaments. Nothing was as exciting as the men going off to hunt. Mud on their boots, whiskey on their breath, and a fresh kill dressed on the dinner table waiting after a soak in the mineral spring tubs that stood like ancient huts left by Romans.

Trumpets heralded the arrival of royalty. Mounted on a tall magnificent beast of a solid hickory was Princess Zareen robed in the finest hunting attire any man could dream of- but that was the problem, it was a man’s coat. Each trot of the horse showed the outline of her leg all the way to her...thighs! All conversations turned to whispers behind fans and hands. How could she dress so shamelessly?! Those rumors had to be true!

Lord Darnley passed his flute to the servers tray, and cleared his throat before raising his arms in greeting. 

“Your highness! I’m blinded by your radiance, but I must confess I planned to be the best dress in a new hunting coat. I had my tailor working on it for weeks! At least I can be best dressed on the hunt.”

“Wrong, my lord! I fully intend to join the hunt. For why would one attend a hunting party if one does not plan to hunt?” She looked around for laughs at her witty remark, but a wide berth had formed around her.

“Dear princess,” Lord Douglass in his polished boots came forward, “a delicate maid like yourself would not be safe on a hunt. And there’s nothing to interest you. Cold mud, bogs stinking to heavens, and a bunch of crude men. I wouldn’t even go myself but my love and girls insists that I need the fresh air to offset my love of port.” He patted his round belly. “Be sensible! I hear the ladies have a merry morning of frolicking and embroidery. You’ll have much more fun picking colors than picking bugs out of your hair.”

“A noble sentiment, but my mind is quite made up. Nothing is as pleasurable as morning air and fine steed. I’ve been working on my shot for as long as Lord Darnley’s tailor has been working his fingers to the bone.”

“Princess,” Lord Douglass lowered his voice. “I’m sure the prince would not approve of any of this. Think of your condition!”

“My condition is my affair. At the moment I want to put this cloak to good use.”

Now the men had started to move closer offering their thoughts in order to persuade her back to the arms of her ladies who would no doubt get her changed into something decent. It was frightening to know the women of the court were forced to view something the men had only seen after shows. Yet, the princess sat as stubborn as the steed beneath her. The wall of worthless concern pressed into her, assaulting her ears, so all she could do was roll her eyes. Only trumpets penetrated the wall. 

“Make way for the Prince!”

Lord Douglass helped the prince down from his horse and appraised him of the situation. Prince Alexandre’s face grimace in disdain. All held their breath waiting for right to be restored, expect a tabby cat who tried to eat a closed dandelion bloom and decided to stretch, and wash its ears instead. 

“Princess Zareen, did you dress yourself this morning?”

“Yes, but if you object to my attire I invite you to the task yourself.”

“Are you a child?”

“Not at all. My womanly form is no secret to my husband.”

“There you have it ladies and gentlemen, a grown woman has dressed herself and chosen her outing. I fail to see the issue. If you wish to dress a female to your liking, have daughters, and see how long you have until they are telling you how it’s done.”

While that earned a chuckle from a few older members of court, most were not amused and now placed in the awkward position of being right but under the heel of a mad monarchy. Nothing to do the hunt was on. Prince Alexandre took his place of honor among doting women, while his wife took a position of protection in the middle of hunters.

Three hours later the heavens opened up and torn at the trees. All members of the hunting party braved the midnight darkness in a salon with toddies and fires big enough to roast three boars. Lady Marguerite finished her second circuit around the room, and bit her lip before approaching her prince who stood in front of the window facing the abandoned picnic, arms folded behind his back.

“Your highness, I cannot find Princess Zareen. No one has seen her since the party's return.”

His grip tightened on his sleeves. He cleared his throat, took a breath, and barked for his captain to ready a search party and for a stable head to grab whatever horse was already saddled. Lord Douglass helped the prince with his coat, while Lady Marguerite whispered.

“Sir, is it really wise for you to go out? The bridges are surely flooded, and some land is unstable. No one would think ill of you if you stayed. After all, it costs you dearly more to fall ill.”

“I’m aware, Lady Marguerite. No doubt my mother has your tongue. But I’ve had my fill here. Surely a husband that stays home and hopes for his wife’s return must do so at the cost of his manhood. Ready a room for me. Mayhaps prevention and diligence will ward off the consequences of my foolish errand.”

Before the party could form he barked directions and charged into the cold curtain of thundering rain.

****

“Damnations! Damnations on this day, and my mother, and this cold! Where’s Verdie? Where’s Litity? Where’s anyone?!” 

While others had been scared from the darkening skies, the blonde had sallied worth, elated to have the pack of disapproving glances that kept a tight circle around her so she could never see the countryside without a middle-aged head blocking it. At least Lord Darnley had stayed by her side entertaining her with brave stories, and jokes. While he had no great sparkling wit, a handsome face and vast estates were no means the end of his charms, and it seemed he was interested in a more intimate relationship. Surely he’d be aware of the risks. A chill blasted the trees, and all agreed no quarry would be out in such weather, so they all turned back, but Zareen would not like clouds, chill, and wind stop her. She feigned the horse bolting and told them she’d reign in the creature and return to the manor shortly. 

That was forever ago. 

“My new clothes are ruined and it’s freezing!” She kicked a rock who had spent it’s whole life thinking it was going to become a star and join its sisters in the sky. Now it was in a mud puddle. “Hark! I’m here! Bring fire!” 

Lightning lit up the sky.

“How long does it take to rescue one person?!” She paced some more, silencing cursing her frightened horse. If it had stayed she could have tried to find the trail back and return the bravest hunter of them all. 

“These boots are new.” 

For the first time ever she was alone, and she didn’t like it. Even her feet started to complain. Every where she looked were rough stones and wicked dancing shadows. Something tickled the back of her mind, like a spider plunking each hair with it’s feather light legs, skin pinching up waiting for the sting of the fangs that hovered just above. 

_ Who am I when I’m not a princess? _

The kiss of venom. 

Covering her eyes she screamed to match the stormed unleashing two decades of frustration and anxiety.

“Waste of time! Waste of  _ my _ value time! I should be on my back being serviced in an emperor sized bed growing lush with the finest wines, men, and women! But no! I’m trapped in a damn hole as empty as my womb!”

“Princess!”

_ Oh thank God someone! _

“Here! I’m over here! Did you bring wine?!”

She couldn’t tell if it was a maid or guardsmen who neared but at least they were on horseback. 

“Hurry! I’m cold, and sober!”

“Where are you?!”

“I’m dying in a cave over here! What part of over here don’t you people understa- oh it’s just you.”

The prince dismounted swiftly.

“Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“Oh yes! I’ve got this throbbing pain ‘twist mine thighs and only a firm, hot manhood thrust repeatedly can soothe it.”

“May heavens grant fortune in your quest.” Blue eyes searched through the saddle bag. “Do you have flint with you?”

Zareen crossed her arms.

“What purpose have I for flint?”

A small torch was pulled out.

“Are you mad?!”

“Mostly cold and losing my lasciviousness. Why? Are you into that?”

“Into-!” The prince sputtered. “Look at you!”

Zareen narrowed her eyes. “I  _ knew  _ you disapproved! Well, if my grab offends you so, then come and remove it yourself!”

Alexandre knocked his head against the saddle.

“No, no, no. Dress however pleases you. Do whatever pleases you! But you went off by yourself! No man would be so foolish! You knew there was a chance you’d run off by yourself! You should have packed accordingly! Did you bring a knife or gun?!”

“I’m a princess! It’s other people’s job to do stuff!”

The prince worked a flit to get the torch to light. “And pray, where are these other people whose job it is to save you from the consequences of your own ill conceived impulses?”

Zareen waved it off. 

“One time deal.”

“Second by my count.” A flame unfurled into liveliness. “You ran off with a stolen horse and was thrown in a lake. Pearl had to rescue you from your own nakedness from an abandoned boat house.

“Did you pack spare clothes?”

“No, I have no spare clothes, Pearl! My ingenious plan was to summon this beastly storm so that I may be wet and miserable in a cave!”

A few twigs and branches were piled up and set to smoke.

“What if a highway man had found you?”

Princesses should have to deal with questions. The blonde stamped her toe. 

“What if?! What if?! The food of philosophers. What use have kings for such things?”

“What if, is the bane of all women. Now, come. The fire is not enough so you’ll have to take warmth from my side and my flask. Or you can hide in the back of the cave sulking like the miserable little pussy you are.”

Begurgely, Zareen sat next to the prince and the poultry flame, taking the flask and wincing at it’s bitter, grassy bite. Warmed wool embraced her, and the scent of violets and sandalwood rose up to her nose. It was so pleasant she snuggled into his side in a vain attempt to warm herself. 

“Are you quite finished?” asked the prince.

“Never.”

He sighed. “I didn’t think so. You were born difficult.”

“Problem?” She sniffed.

“On the contrary, I’ve never known ease outside of necessities. A carefree partners would hold no appeal for me.”

“So I do appeal to you!” She wrapped an arm around his slender waist. “So what do you think about my new outfit? Is proof of my limbs enough to inspire a warm gush?”

The prince flushed and stammered. “You-you- the- it’s nice. Nice. Good. Your bu- uh, er, yes. Very well made and tailored-uh-tailored-”

A smile curled on Zareen’s face. “Did my pious husband sneak a peak at my posterior as I mounted this morn?”

“I was merely making sure you were going to be fine sitting like that. I know it’s not proper for a lady to sit any way but side saddle.”

“Did it please, my prince? My riding skills?”

“Very much-” his voice cracked and he had to clear his throat. “Very much so. Most sensible thing you’ve done all day.” With his teeth he removed a glove. “I need your torso. I need to make sure you’re not too cold.”

Zareen moved closer. “Slip it anywhere. I could not solve how to wear undergarments. Might I suggest my checking my ripe fruits?”

“I won’t be able to find them. Open your waist coat.”

“Spoiled thing! I’m sure you’re used to having all manner of women disrobe themselves.” The buttons were stiff, like her fingers.

“And you’re spoiled to the same and opposite.” Taking pity, he showed her how to force the knobs free, but it wasn’t until her midriff was exposed that he realized she was happily feigning poor skill.

“I can’t wait to be free of these things. If only the storm would let up.”

Turnabout is fair play, so the prince slapped his hand over her abs, delighting in the squeal.

“Your hands are ice!”

“And you’re in no danger of freezing,” he smirked.

Zareen narrowed her eyes. “Now I have a new pain.”

“Thou art pain.” The prince rolled his eyes, took off his other glove and rubbed his hands over the fire.

“The source was you, so the cure must come from you,” she insisted.

“Take it from my flask. Finest tonic in the land.”

Suddenly he found his hands stolen from the flame and under a tunic and pressed into what felt like two sponge cakes topped with pointy prunes.

“Release me!”

“No! They pain me, and you must soothe them!”

“If you’re trying to tell me you’re with child-”

“With child?! How can I be with child when the whole damn country knows I haven’t shared your bed?!”

“We both know my participation is optional.”

“Squeeze harder, you have soft hands. What do you use on them?”

“Nah! Sorry!” He flattened his palms.

“Your only regret should be that this is not how you spend every second of the day. Your nights would be far more exciting.”

“I will push you down, and crush you, if you don’t release me.”

Thinking this was a grand idea, the princess fell back onto the cloak, forcing the prince to follow, she wrapped her arms around his head, and kissed him. Silencing his protests with deeping kisses. As his shoulders loosened she moved on to kissing his chilled cheeks, soft and smooth, and neck that much have been perfectly shaved as no roughness met her. The thunder rolled. Any attention he gave her was praised, until he had one hand on the top of her hip.

“I-I-” he was breathless. “Propose a compromise. Just-Just this once.”

“Does Za-Za get what she wants?”

“In a way. I’ll need access to your-”

“Anything. Anything you want is years.” She pulled his earlobe.

“Could you, um turn over? On your knees.”

Not the request she had in mind, but maybe if she played toffer she could worm her way to the royal pillows. 

“Face, uh the wall.” Now she felt like a cow waiting to be mounted, sure enough she felt heat on her back. “Are you- is the-um.”

Zareen moaned like a cat in heat, moving back and wiggling her ass on the prince’s lap hoping to feel proof of his royal scepter.

“Fine. Just- don’t lose your tongue.”

He reached deep into her bush and-

“Holy Mary!” Zareen had to brace herself with one hand on the wall as the top of her split was vigorously rubbed.

“Too much?” It stopped 

“Not at all! Most just don’t trust a flower can withstand a monsoon.”

“Well, I’ve tended more gardens than most.” A palm ground into her sweet spot and finger caressed her petals slick with dew, curling into that scared gretto. “You’re not close enough.”

The heel of his hand rubbed harder, like he could lift her up with one hand. It was as rough as when the girl had discovered the key to her own secret garden. How she delighted in hours lost digging deeper into the fertile soil. Something that only improved when she shared the key with others. Now she finally had her prince pounding on her gate, and all she could do was open them wider, and marvel at how compatible they were. Between them the damp warmed as they panted out clouds. 

“Why-ah-don’t you give me some- oh!-planting tips?!” 

Things turned more circular. And Alexandre moved to get a better angle, so their bodies matched up, his codpiece dug into her buttock, and his hot breath tickling her nape of her neck. Out of habit she bit her lip as she tightened those muscles. Slender fingers forced themselves in, opening her up.

“Did you just stick four in?!”

“With work I can get all five. You can’t tell me you haven’t tried.”

She had, but really wasn’t her concern.

“What are you about?! I’m as pure as-as-as-!”

They heard shouting in the distance, the storm and quietened. 

“The guard is coming, so you better-” He buried his face into the side of her neck, teeth scraped skin as the collar of her tunic was bit. She pushed her pelvis down as much as was allowed. The shouts grew closer until they were nearly upon them. A final push, and she gasped, slapping the wall to get it to stop, but only changed from deep and hard to fast and lighter until the end came two more times. Then the hand slowed.

“Yes?”

“More than. I need to recover.”

“Do so while you dress.”

The prince straightened himself and summoned the search party. 

The lost princess was given a hero’s welcome by the worried hunting party as she rode side-saddled in her prince’s lap through the rain. Both were swept away by their inner court to hot baths and dry clothes, the princess struggling to keep her stride even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The key to a happy life is a laid Reenie.   
> She almost had to be a good person for a second.   
> I wonder how the prince got to be such a good gardener.  
> Prunes are sexy now.


	20. Lover's Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marquette ain't got time for this shit.

_ My dearest daughter, _

__ _ I was expecting news of your happiness. How your grace and beauty had charmed the court and a grandson was expected in the spring just in time for gentle blooms of nature. Instead my ears are horrified by the reports I receive weekly. Know that you are not safe there. Your whole future and position are not secure until an heir is produced. While it seems there are some in court that doubt your ability I have every confidence in your charms. You will do it, because you have no choice.  _

__ _ Life is different there, and I know your lifestyle is much altered even if your attitudes are unaffected. Ask of Lord Douglas or Lady Marquette and even exact of them, under all circumstances, advice as to what, as a foreigner and being desirous of pleasing the nation, you should do, and that they should tell you frankly if there be anything in your bearing, discourse, or any point which you should correct. Reply amiably to everyone, and with grace and dignity.Do not be ashamed to ask advice of anyone, and do nothing on your own responsibility. In the queen you will find a tender aunt who will also be your friend if you deserve it. Put entire confidence in her; you will run no risk. Love her, obey her, seek to divine her thoughts. _

__ _ Concerning the prince I shall say nothing; you know my thoughts. A wife should be submissive in everything to her husband and should have no thought but to please him and do his will. The only true happiness in this world lies in a happy marriage; I know whereof I speak. Everything depends on the wife if she be yielding, sweet, and amusing. A wife that is loud, brash, and haughty is the bane and shame of a husband. He will distance himself at every opportunity, and open himself to others. Should the prince start this you may be lost, for warmth is required to tender affections.  _

__ _ Take heed daughter. _

“Feh! Mother doesn’t know anything!” The princess waved off the letter, as her hair was dressed. “The prince risked life and limb for my warm embrace last night! Only decency kept him from sneaking into my room.” She lied as powders were applied. It was early, as she had barely slept as she ached with the memory of her husband’s touch..and she was sore.

Without knocking Lady Marquette entered, curtsying before relieving that she had word from the prince.

“The royal highness the Prince Alexandre sends the deepest of regrets.”

“Regrets?! 

“He must be skipping breakfast.” She assured her court.

“A private matter has manifested; they departed in the wee hours of the morning for the place of the crown prince. Prince Alexandre begged that you stay and enjoy yourself to your heart’s full content, and if there is some token that will soothe any wounds inflicted by this action to send word of it and every corner under Heaven shall be searched to bring it to you.”

Verdie thought it was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard, but Aura didn’t look like she’d heard. Her mistress looked like she’d just been accused of murder. The knuckles of her fist where white, her eyes stared at nothing, the carefree smile she’d painted on was now frozen at the corners. 

“Did he-” She snatched a brush from an attendant and painted her lips. “Did he mention anything else?”

“No, princess.”

“What was his demeanor like?”

The trusted assistance recalled her summon late last night. While most would drown themselves in the grapes' lamentations, Prince Alexandre preferred to summon his vexations with midnight coffee. At least Marquette was allowed to as much as that coffee the worries did not consume. With a hot cup in her hands, she played with the curling steam and watched the youth pace back and forth in growing aggravation, shedding bobbles along the way. Last night was even worse than the frenzy worked up before proposing to the current princess. Alexandre got all the way down to the under shirt, hair wild after being raked through like straw. The child spoke in code! Bits of broken thoughts were voiced to no one.

“It wasn’t me! But she-! And it was cold! What woman goes around in tight trousers?! I’m sure I heard a woodpecker! What is the measure of a man?! If the Persians could invent clocks-!”

Oh how it went on! She thought being the princess’s new babysitter would allow her more nights to herself, but it seemed she was earning that increased salary. She combed her hair over her eyes more, and rested them. It was far past midnight. 

“So what do I do?!” The question was asked a few times before Marquette realized she was actually being addressed.

“Well, why not talk to your brother, Prince Apa? I could write a letter and have it sent out in the morning.”

“No! The woodpecker is going to tell them all! I will ride myself this night. I need only a few guards. I’ll wake Douglas to get them and leave within the hour. There’s not a second to lose! My immortal soul is on the line!”

Marquette really thought this nonsense would have ended once the teens were behind them.

“And Reenie! Gag! Why did I ever marry?! Do something! Say something to her! Get her a gift! Anything! What if her soul is on the line? But who is to blame? The cow that was milked or the thief who did it? Oh if only the wind had knocked the bucket so the sinner could not taste the sweet stolen goods! Oh Heavens! Where art thee now?!”

“Shall I bag your bag?”

“Yes! Hurry! That I might outrun of a scorned God!”

“Did you want the blue undercoat or pink?”

“Blue!”

Now Lady Marquette looked into the anxious gold eyes of other young thing.

“The prince seemed distracted, my lady.”

“How so?”

“There was talk of birds, and the merits of pink or blue. So anxious was the prince to see Prince Apa that little else mattered.”

Zareen studied the mirror.  _ Did that fool think she was with child?! He couldn’t! Babies don’t come from fingers! Unless…” _

“You say you were summoned?”

“Yes, your highness?”

“When?”

“I brought the prince dinner at nine, and my company was kept for some time afterwards.”

“Did you not sleep?”

“One should not rest when royalty speaks.”

The princesses took a deep breath, then ordered everyone out save Lady Marquette and Verdie. Alone, the blonde paced a few times in a manner that was so reminiscent of her husband, the lady’s eyes grew heavy. Wouldn’t it be lovely if she was allowed to sit out the rest of the hunting party and left to sleep until dinner. 

Zareen whipped around.

“Are you having his child?!”

Nice long, deep sleep. How ever did her sister stand this for so long? 

Her shoulders were gripped.

“Are you having his child?!”

Zareen was shouting in her face. She hadn’t seen Lord Marquette in three years, the dear old man.

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me! I stand as the center of court and all await the birth of a prince. Every day that passes their stares grow hostile; their tongues sharp! They poison each other against me, placing thorny blame on my brow. While I devise ways of being the one he goes to! The one he trusts! If his nights were mine, my days would flourish! 

“You will not take what is mine!”

Vazey church bell. Whatever you have I don’t want. Expect that turquoise quill.

“Do you hear me?”

“Princess Zareen, you’re shouting in my face. How could I not?”

“You will not have a child before me!”

“Duly noted, will that be all, my lady?”

Never had Zareen wanted to hit someone so bad. 

“Out! Get out!”

“Very good, madame. I’ll go inform the kitchen to bring breakfast.” With a bow, the offender was gone.

Now it was just Verdie, Zareen and the dark cloud. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A moment of silence for all those we've lost. Mostly Marquette's sleep.


	21. Oh Brother!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So....Demons are sexy right?

Naked, brave, determined; the creature shed a single tear from furious eyes. His head a fiery mess of tousled curls. Alexandre remembered staring into them searching for the fabled horns. The only hint of the creature's true nature was in the torn poison ivy at his legs, and the way his iridescent wings changed from the opal cloud color of the angels in the sky above him, to a raven black at the tips. He was better than the common stone around him. Yet his body was perfection in flesh. Was it flesh? No body hair betrayed mortality. It looked so warm, it invited touch. 

“It seems to me that given,” a twist of the wrist, “everything, that it’s perfectly natural that you were,” he paused to find the word, “disoriented. After all, what you’re doing is against the laws of nature itself!”

“Madness, Apa. It was as if a spirit entered me in that moment and took hold.” Alexandre murmured, still looking for Lucifer’s horns.

“Through no fault of your own. The woman dressed like a man! All topsy-turvey if you ask me.” Crown prince Apa set down his tea. 

“Damn it all! I never should have married! I knew the whole kingdom is waiting on her popping out a baby!”

“Not that you need one. Alice will give you more nieces and nephews than you can hold. I thought you said she wouldn’t care if your duties were fulfilled by you or some other man.”

“She doesn’t. I’m sure of it. Her tailor hears more sweet nothings than I.

“Nature will take its course in due time. I merely have to leave her alone and she’ll find herself in some warm bed.”

“One less problem. Yes?”

Alexandre didn’t answer.

“You work too hard. Father lives as king with a fierce queen to battle for me. I attend all matters of state and spend my night ensuring this crown will never burden your head. Why not go to Neptune? Spend some time near the sea! Once you have some time to be yourself away from all this “prince” business your mind will clear up. If you want, I can send Alice. It’s time she met the real you. As dear as her babes are, she complains of courtly life.”

Alexandre sighed.

“A short break from the stage. I’ve always grown in darkness. I’d like that. I’d like that very much. I’d be delighted to entertain sister Alice. I hope she can manage the independence.”

“On the contrary! I think she’ll embrace it! Oh the tales of bondage endured as a girl she recites! I think she may even have a plain gown or two. I shall speak with her tonight about it.”

“How blessed you are to have such a confidant. If only-”

There was a commotion outside, then a guard stuck his head in only to be pushed to the ground. A rush of bustling chiffon burst through, and swept in, throwing itself at Apa’s feet, a head of gold waves thrown into his lap.

“Woe unto to me the most pitiful of wretches to be left by you!”

“Lex? Do you know this wailing woman?”

Said woman looked up.

“You are not my husband.” It was the vision of the prince that never met her at the ball. A tall man with cornflower eyes set in a square face framed by dark curls that just touched broad shoulders that looked like they could hold two women over them at once. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“That would be my wife. I thought she’d stay with the party and drink to her merriment.”

“Excuse me,” Zareen apologized before throwing herself at her husband’s feet.

“Woe unto to me the most pitiful of wretches to be left by you!”

“Yes! Yes! We heard that part!” He pulled her up, but the arm. “What are you doing here?! Is there not a dozen young men you’re depriving the honor of filling your glass, and helping you to your horses?”

“How could you?! Is it not Heaven’s will that my husband’s happiness is first in my heart? It would be impossible for me to have one moment’s peace without knowing if you lived or died! If you wept or laughed! Listen to the tearing of my heart!” She pressed Alexandre’s face to her bosom.

“Princess! Release me!”

“Torments prick at it every second you are not near! Only your love can staunch the wounds!”

“You smell of rotting lilies!” He was quickly freed.

“It’s an imported perfume! You, maid, make sure I never wear this one again. I will wear naught but the essence of my prince’s manhood!”

Prince Apa rose. “Clearly this woman has been neglected. Lexy, I always thought you were sensitive to the needs of the fairer sex. Yet, here is a beautiful princess with eyes stained with tears!”

“She keeps a cloth of onion juice.”

“Oh what cruel lies!” Zareen pushed him away and wiped her face with the very handkerchief in question. “Do you know he hides his chambers from me? I couldn’t begin to recount the perversions! Still my tender heart beats only for him!”

“By God, man!” Apa slapped his brother across the back. “You who have always craved the quiet solitary life, has picked the gayest, most brash squawker in the whole nation! What happened to all those church mice that followed you taking the crumbs you offered with holy reverence?”

“I’ve no desire to be worshiped. Nor do I desire to be hounded.”

“And I have no desire to spend my nights alone. Especially now that I know under that frozen exterior beats a burning passion that lusts-”

“Alright! Enough! What will it cost that I may have this moment with my brother alone?!” Alexandre was turning a flattering pink, like a vernal maiden. 

“Your brother?” Zareen was distracted by the contrasts in front of her. Both men tall, but one was the example of masculinity and the other thin and delicate…. Also there was a very pretty nude one in a painting behind them. She needed more art.

“At your service,” Apa bowed. “Though, I’m afraid if it’s the title of queen you want, my Alice is determined to keep it for herself.”

“Which is fine!” Alexandre crossly said. “May your grandchildren rule before I take the crown.”

This was news. Not good. Queen Zareen had the prettiest ring to it.

“And I’ll pass it down to our younger siblings before that happens.”

“Sweetie, can we talk about this?” The blonde had become very quiet.

“There’s nothing to discuss.”

“I will leave you to finish your tété-a-tété with your handsome brother if you promise me audience later.”

“Will you promise to keep your bits and bobs to yourself and covered?”

“I can do that.”

“Then fine. I’ll meet you for lunch. Briefly.”

“Sounds great, dearest. I’ll have the cook arrange something.”

She turned around and managed to get out of the room before finding Lady Marquette and shooting her a glare meant to kill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://most-famous-paintings.com/Art.nsf/O/8BWMPJ/$File/Alexandre-Cabanel-Fallen-Angel.jpg  
> I doubt Reenie will miss being queen. It's not like she cares about power or anything. Shout out to Blue Pearl, still 100% done with this shit, but still standing. Give that woman a vacation.


	22. Take my Wife, Please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zareen calmly discusses why she will never be queen based on a decision someone else made long before she even entered the family.

“How long have you known?!”

This was a very long day, and she didn’t like all the shouting and asinine questions.

“How long have you known Prince Alexandre was going to abdicate the throne?!”

“About nine years.”

“You  _ knew  _ and said nothing to me?!”

“One only speaks when spoken to, and one only answers what’s asked.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?! I entered this marriage knowing I could be queen! All my sisters rule as queen or next in line! On top of failing to produce a child I shall be doomed as an unwanted princess forever in the shadow of my father’s house!”

Lady Marquette wondered if being yelled at was truly part of the job.

“Why does he wish to throw away his birthright?”

Maybe if these two idiots kill each other over dinner she can have an early night.

“I asked you a question!”

Lady Marquette sighed. The queen’s grief would drown her.

“It sounded like a question for Prince Alexandre. I cannot answer for someone else.”

“Oh by heavens, I will ask him! But he cannot be honest with me about anything!”

“My lady?” Ventured the timid maid with green eyes. Marquette liked her. A shame about the lesbian thing. “I don’t believe his highness has told you a lie.”

“Nor has he given me the truth when asked! To withhold the truth with silence is just as much as a sin!”

Her sister never mentioned how violent could be. How she pitied the maids. Letters of recommendation will be in order.

“Then we are all guilty, your majesty.”

“And thus Jesus died! But He didn’t die so my husband could deny me!”

Maybe new positions. It’ll be hard to find places that pay as much. She’ll ask her sister about the girl’s situation. 

“We will have to use cunning to overwhelm him and dig out the truth! Unless someone would be willing to share her thoughts gathered over decades of serving the royal family!” Zareen glared at Lady Marquette who was studying the carpet’s edge seemingly determined to stay unhelpful. “Fine, can you at least tell me what the prince wanted in a bride?”

“A princess.”

“Besides that! Every young man flits from bust to bust until they find a woman’s whose style they prefer. Who did you see him bed?”

“I never follow the prince to his bed.” Now the lady was just confused.

“Who were his mistresses?!”

“Oh, the little prince never had any. One would have to sleep first, and the Prince prefers staying up all night reading reports and writing replies to be sent out first thing. Women just complicate everything.” Like now, when they should be sipping tea and watching the men return from the hunt. But instead they were playing twenty questions.

“Liar!” Zareen stabbed the air with her finger before pacing in a circle. “Every youth is spent in pursuit in that most tempting of fruit and the wealthy can buy any they please! If the prince wanted a woman he’d have a woman that night!”

The lady put a hand on her hip. That was half the problem. Not that this self-absorbed brat was going to figure that one. She was a whore, so everyone must be a whore. Never mind Lord Marquette never consummated his love. Forced to love from afar he wasted away until the day his love died and now he walked to the grave every night. Damn grave gets more flowers than she does.

The blonde collapsed in a chair.

“Out! I want everyone out! I’ve but hours to figure out my next move.”

***

“Oh I don’t want to do this!” Alexandre cursed his luck and turned to a waiter. “Would you like to be the prince for lunch? My wife is lovely when she’s not shouting, or shedding false tears, or general childish behavior.”

The young man was stunned into silence, and backed away. If only wine could solve all woes. At any second that golden tempest will blow in all fury and sound with accusations and unanswerable questions that will leave her more perplexed than before. And then she’ll try to steal the royal specter. 

The image of that round rump raising high as she swung her leg across the back of that proud horse sprang up and he nearly choked on the wine, needing to mop it from his nose. 

“Steady, old boy. Steady. You’ll have your break soon enough.” The sea’s deep breath calmed him. Until the door opened and his wife was announced, then his anxiety spiked. He pressed a hand over his heart to steady it as the princess was lead to her spot and sat down in a plainer dress of fine Egyptian Blue. 

“Your highness.” She greeted as pleasantly as if she was remarking on the pleasant weather.

“Out with it. I’ll have no peace until you’re satisfied.”

“Oh yes, that business of the throne.” She related while sipping some soup.

“Yes,  _ that. _ I won’t change my-”

“I completely agree with you!”

“You do?”

“Yes. There’s no need to stress over being king. I’m sure your brother’s sons will do just as well when their time comes, and clearly you’ll support them. No one works as hard or long as you. Why I, your loving wife, hardly ever see you. It took me almost dying in a God-forsaken cave to have you perform your  _ husbandry  _ duty. I was beginning to think the horses got more affection than me.”

The prince opened his mouth to retort but was cut off. 

“But I think it’s a grand decision and I only wish you had come talked to me sooner. There are things that affect both of us and maybe even the three of us. We were half-”

“Princess, please!” Alexandre begged eye motioning to the lady who was nibbling at her lunch.

“Oh, honey, it’s just Lady Marguerite. She’s so much family at this point she might as well be there to witness the conception of our child.”

While the prince pinched the bridge of his nose, Marguerite hid a smirk behind her napkin. 

“I can assure you that won’t happen. A lady of her stature has better things to do.” 

“You don’t know that. You never asked. Lady Marguerite’s breath is so precious it takes royal command to bring her to waste it on words. It may be her dying wish to see the child she raised on her bosom like her own create the next generation that will tend her grave.

“Look at the poor thing. Doesn’t she deserve to see her grand-child? Heaven knows I will pray no harm will come to my handsome brother-in-law, but his bride is young and so is her children!” She covered her eyes with her fan, then fanned away non-existent tears. “Oh how the soul shudders to think! Let us not! May good food and good company chase away evil thoughts.”

Lunch managed to pass half away in an agreeable manner until…

“By the by, my dear husband, how is your other brother?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marquette doesn't blow, she gets blown.   
> Taking bets on who puts a bun in that oven!


	23. Of Mice and Owls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the beautiful sea tears are shed, love won, and dark secrets exchanged.

“It’s not something we like to talk about, but as you’re our sister it’s only fair you know.”

“You mean there’s more?! By grace, I never would have entertained all this!”

“I know, but there’s another reason we’re anxious. It was five years ago in December. We knew he had a problem. The drinking, the gambling, and the women, but we had no idea he-. We found him stupid out of his mind in a opium den in the arms of an actress. It was three days and nights with him drooling and muttering moon speak. Mother was enraged when he pulled through. Tossed him into service, but it hasn’t curtailed all his vices.

“Don’t get us wrong. We love our brother Dru, but the tabloids are sharks that smell blood.”

“Oh, that’s awful!” The matronly woman reached across to place her hand over the others. “Don’t you worry! Every family has its problems and I am right here to do my part. Any one who doubts our family will face my wrath!”

“Oh, Alice! You’re a real gem! I knew you had an honest face when I saw you at Mother’s party! I could tell Apa was smitten right away!”

“The feeling was mutual, but I never dreamed I’d have a chance. Painfully plain spawn of a baron. There wasn’t anything I could offer the crown.” The tawny brunette looked down at her folded hands in her lap. A hand lighted on her shoulder.

“You love him. Everyone can see that. That’s more than enough. Love is the rarest of gifts in this world, and you give it freely to him. It guilts me that now we ask you to bear such a burden.”

“No! No! No! Not at all!” Alice shook her head and sent her curls bouncing. “I’m grateful I can be of help! It must be a nightmare trying to do so much on your own. No wonder your mother acts so cold. She’s being protective! I can’t imagine the dread!”

“No! I’m sorry we kept you in the dark so long! It’s a relief to finally share it with you! Now I can call you my sister without flinching!” Alice reached over and grabbed those thin shoulders and embraced her kin.

“Let us speak of the bright future and put the muddy past behind!”

“All the lost nights wrapped in worry and dread over that very future; I never dreamed I’d have a soul as kind as yours to confide and find comfort in!”

The embrace was full of longing and honesty. It was the beginning of a new life.

Alice wiped her eyes, as she let go, beaming with joy.

“As my new sister what shall I call you?”

“-”   
“Honey! I’m home!” A brash voice sang out, and her face lost all color.

Alice turned around to look out the sunroom’s windowed walls to see Princess Zareen in darkened spectacles followed by two maids and her shadowing lady. The blonde wore light, and willowy fabrics that flew in the breeze, they reached into the room before she could. “Look at this cute little house! You, girl, I’m looking for Princess Alice. I’ve tracked an ungodly amount of miles over these cliffs trying to find her.”

Alice stood, back straight hands folded.

“Who are you who seeks?”

“Why does everyone ask that?” Zareen asked Lady Marguerite who was looking at the woman trying to sneak off.

“You have the honor of addressing  _ The  _ Princess Zareen, beloved wife of Prince Alexandre, heir to the throne. Why is that mouse trying to escape?” She gestured to the woman half way out the door.

“Getting refreshments for you, ma’m.” The voice was as unnaturally high as the accent was forced. 

Verdie watched with interest. 

“An hon-nor indeed!” Alice crutised. “I-I was not expecting you! Prince Apa did not mention you were coming! I’m afraid there simply isn’t-”

“Worry not, your humility is gift enough. Mouse, stop being a quivering leaf over there! Stand where you can better see the radiance that is the monarchy.”

Said mouse shook her head, and still would not turn.

“I-I’m Princess Alice! Please, uh, sit, Lady Marguerite and my lady, can get refreshments.”

The mouse and the lady were quick to disappear into the kitchen as the princess settled to talk.

“By what madness has she brought?!”

“My apologies. I tried to discourage her. She wrote letters to every member of the royal family, and spoke to many of the inner court to find out about this property. Then she talked to the servants until she ascertained there was a good chance you and Princess Alice were here. I suspect Princess Alice’s ladies thought little of sharing the location.”

“Most women stop looking for a husband once they marry one! Why does she not find some play thing to amuse herself with?!”

“I warned you. She is not a daft girl. It takes wit to live her dangerous life and not get caught.  _ You  _ of all people should be able to appreciate that.” They looked meaningfully at each other.

*** 

“I’m just afraid you wouldn’t be comfortable. There’s only a cook who comes twice a day, and the laundry is sent out once a week. There’s not even a fresh room for you.”

Zareen waved off the concerns.

“Verdie, and Audri can fix that. And if my dear husband shows up, I will stay with him. Never was there a sweeter honeymooning couple than us! Eros and Psyche would be jealous of the joy we share. Every woman should be so blessed to have such a virial example of masculinity! I rarely get to wear all those fine clothes!”

Alice almost choked on her water.

“How lovely! If only more people could be as lucky as us in love. Even if it can be tiring. Doctors tell me I shall have another bundle by fall. Every year of union another baby. I love them all, but how I hate trying to keep up with the courtly ladies while I can’t reach my toes.”

“Another baby, such a blessing.” The smile never moved, but no warmth reached her words. “But they are so young…”

***

Lady Marguerite returned to set up the tea service. 

“It’s settled then! Lady Marguerite where is that mouse? She will show us to my room so the dust can be aired out.”

“I will be more than happy to-”

“No, you must sit with the expected princess and see no harm falls her. The mouse shall be fine. Go make sure she hasn’t fallen into any of her tunnels. Honestly, you act as if I’m some voracious pussy-cat that will swallow that mouse whole.”

Alice stood, “Actually, I could use the exercise. I’ll show you to your roo-”

“And leave the tea?! T’is a sin to waste! No, you sit here and reveal in your matronly glow. My maids will finish unpacking my luggage. I’ll go with you, Lady Marguerite, we can sneak up on the creature. ”

Said mouse was chewing nails like a beaver with a beech log, pacing in the grove in the stone floor from the door to the hearth. She nearly fainted when she heard the rustle of fabric. How she prayed it was Alice with news of how she cleverly-

“Now don’t you run, little mouse, I’ve tied a collar ‘round your neck.” Zareen scolded. “You may show us our rooms now. I like something east facing with a big bed, and a heavy lock on the door.”

A bonnet was left hanging by a nail, and she snatched it up as she passed, jamming it on her head as she led the ladies to the east wing, which happened to be the furthest from her own room. The furnishing was lace, sea-foam greens, and bright blues to match the sea out the window. Old, but still luxurious. Fit for a little princess. Instead, a giant spoiled brat was meandering around she was considering buying it, but not before haggling the price down.

“It’ll do. Lady Marguerite tell the girls to bring my things up. Oh and-!” The princess zipped over to whisper something while the brunette considered climbing from the balcony. She gasped as long fingers walked over her neck, and grasped it.

“Well, well, look who I caught!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of ladies by the sea. What could go wrong?


	24. Seducing the Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bunch of girl stuff really. Margie all "want coffee." Alice is all, "Idon'tknowwhat'shappening." Verdie's all, "Don't suck my girlfriend, even though she's not my girlfriend, but you-you-!" Reenie's all "gonna get my dom on." Zandy's all, "fuck she's getting her dom on. FUCK! I'm getting my sub on!" And... I like to think there's a frog watching it all, and not caring. No one lets me write frogs.

Nature programs two chief responses when faced with a threat; turn tail and run, fleeing for dear life, or stand, determined to fight one’s way forward. There are other less spoken of responses. Like for example, pretending to be a rock.

“You little sneak! Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” A nail traced up her neck, sending shivers down to her shaking knees. “The nerve of you!”

If one was a rock, one would be ignored. So it is best to continue to be a rock.

“Such pretty lies you told. Whatever will you do to keep my silence?”

Perhaps this would all blow over if there was a spanking or more neck squeezing?

“I could go back down there and tell  _ my  _ sister-in-law that she has a thief and a liar in her employ. That’ll cost you and your brother, if he exists, your jobs. Then little Al-Zandy will be calling herself Madame Eve.”

Mania rushed through Zandra as she began to wept and cackle, doubling over unable to stem the spirit. 

“What are you doing?! Cease that at once!”

It seemed like Zandra would never stop. Her face throbbed, her ribs ached, and breath was so short she was sure she would lose the ability to draw it ever again.

There was a commotion while the maids returned with the luggage. Verdie ran to the mad woman half collapsed on the floor.

“You poor thing! Hold your breath!” She took a handkerchief and held it over Zandra’s mouth. She shot a sharp look at her lady, silently accusing her. The princess merely shrugged. Verdie looked back to see how the maid was recovering and gasped at seeing her eyes. “Let’s get you some water.”

“I didn’t dismiss her.” Zareen called as Verdie helped Zandra up, now holding the cloth like a talisman against whatever spirit took her. 

“Excuse us, your highness. I must see that Princess Alice’s company is collected.”

Sending silent apologies to Aura she rushed down the servant stairs to the kitchen where she sat the woman down and began to pump. The way the hair fell forwards was so familiar; over the eyes like a willow. 

“I’m sorry about her. She’s…” One can’t complain about royalty. “Different.”

“Of all the lunatics born into this world of madness, she is the only one granted freedom.” The woman spat, then sighed, pinching the ridge of her brow. “Perfectly insane, that one.”

It was such an odd tone. Uncaring if the disrespect was overheard. 

“I’m Verdie, by the way. What do I call you?”

Aqua eyes studied the dusty beams over them for a second. “Zandra. Just Zandra. And thank you Verdie. The water was the cure I needed. I must return to Alice or Marguerite. Should she give you any trouble you find me.” Verdie found her hands gripped. “Promise me you will. She isn’t the one that needs protecting.”

It was easy enough to lie. Just say yes, and be free, but the word got caught in her throat. It’s always been  _ their _ secret. If one was exposed, both would fall, and it was always herself that had the most to lose; the furthest to fall. She tried to pull away, but her hands were held fast.

“I promise to help you in whatever way I can. I know people. I can get things done. Just trust me!” 

Involuntarily, her head shook. “Let me go.” She was instantly released.

“Anything you need, I will do. If you can’t find me, then confide in Lady Marguerite, she is trustworthy.”

“You should go. Don’t get left alone with her. That’s when she’s the worst.”

“If that is your wish. Just know you’re not trapped.”

Yet, when Verdie was left alone, she felt like she was turning away from a open door, and it was only a matter of time before it was swung shut and locked behind her.

Back on the second floor she bumped into Aura, she was the only bright spot in her days now. 

“I wish we could get compensation for the travel,” Aura sighed.

“I guess the sea is considered compensation enough.”

“Yeah,” she drew it out with thought, and leaned on her hand on her hip. “I wonder how much I could charge someone for it.”

Verdie chuckled, knowing it wasn’t a joke, but not knowing how to respond.

“I wonder why she kept asking if I’ve ever sucked a honeysuckle.” 

*****

“At least I got my wish.” Zandra was spread out on the floor of her room staring at nothing. She’d been that way since dinner. Alice had offered to hide her in her own room, but Zandra just needed some time alone. 

From up here the breeze was soft, and sweet, heavy with salt spray and the cries of sea birds born to follow the moon instead of Apollo’s chariot. Vaguely she thought she heard a barn owl ask, “Who? Who? Who are you?”

“They said women were nothing but pretty little lies that taste sweet on the lips for a moment, then poisons the heart one tidbit at a time until a man can only find rest in the grave.” Not even a candle burned. “But is that not the ramblings of men who only know lovers, mothers, wives, and daughters? Hardly a reasonable sample size of the entire world.” 

Her fingers traced where the beautiful claw had held her before. She had felt pinned like an insect to a specimen board. A play thing for someone cruel to have their way with.

“Damnations!”

It played over and over, each time she ached to know how it ended. Her mind raced in a thoughtless frenzy, and her heart fluttered. The temptation of the unknown was always the strongest.

“That’s it! That’s all it is!” She sat up, snapping her fingers in triumphant.

“If you have solved the sorrows of men, I may be willing to trade for it.” Zandra whipped around. Standing half in shadow, clothed in gauzy fabric, was the vision of the very torment that followed her waking hours leaning in the servants door. 

“Zareen!”

“That’s princess to you.”

“What are you doing here?!”

The blonde flowed into the room, catching on a bedpost before lounging onto an ottoman covered in discarded clothes at the foot of the bed.

“I’ve come to deliver you. Your prone position is appropriate.” She yawned. 

“Salvation can not be found with you. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

Zareen clutched her breast and gasped falsely. “Here I came to end your suffering, and you say only the worst possible things!”

“Well, there is more than one way to cease the swing of Damocles’s sword. When do you think darling, princess Alice is in the best mood? Wouldn’t do me any good to spring up in her marriage bed while the next crownless prince is summoned from Cherub’s side.”

“Does your conscience not prick when it stops to consider the circumstances? One word and you would doom a whole family? What is worn by the royal family that was not paid for by the sweat, tears, and blood of the common, poor man? Is this very country not held afloat on the waters of ruin by the ghosts of men, and women who were born equal in God’s eyes, and died the same?”

A long oval nail traced redden lips.

“How naively naughty! I’ll allow it, as you are handsome, but you require a lesson in manners. Get on your knees.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~By the C! By the C! By the beautiful C! Soon you'll be! Soon you'll be! Oh how happy we'll be!"~ The ocean is a metaphor.


	25. You Wide-Eyed Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, welcome to my song fic. I wrote about love and spanking because... Sanics.

“Aura! Wait!” Verdie slipped on a stone as she rushed to the water line to follow the lamp light.

“We won’t have time in the daylight! The more shells we have the more we have to sell! Besides, how often does that royal brat give us the night off?”

“Depends on who she’s bedding,” Verdie muttered trying to keep her petticoats dry. However, when she finally reached the beach she found Aura with her sleeves rolled up, her skirts pinned up, ankles buried in sand. “Aura! What if someone sees you?!”

“Virtue can be bought as much as it can be sold. Besides I wouldn’t want anyone who was scandalized by damp petticoats. Verdie look! There’s a whole pile of shells! Every color of the rainbow!” She fell upon them and washed them in the surf as fast as she could grab them. “There’s even glass!”

The moon hung like a pendant on a woman’s breast, it’s light dripped down through the veil of clouds and shattered on the glittering water.

“What makes this fragile world go round?” She asked the wind.

“Money. Now help me! I’ve already filled my socks!”

“What’s all for? You can’t buy your way out of being a maid.”

Aura wiped her brow, leaving a streak of mud.

“I want a cottage. Not a big one. A stove, a bed, a rocker, and a loft. A garden with bees, and flowers all year round. I’d sell ‘em, and the honey. Then I could hire young people to tend the garden and field. I won’t get it now. But when I’m retired. That’s what I want. When my body gives up all it can, I want to live off the land. What God provides free for all. That's all. Something’s that’s mine, so I’m not beholden to anyone or anything.” 

The green-eyed lass leaned against the rock out cropping.

“You think I’m shrewd. Greedy.”

She couldn’t even get out the reflexive denial.

“It’s alright. They all think that. There was a kitchen maid before you. I thought we were friends.” She found a flat stone and skipped it over the water. In the moonlight her eyes were lavender, and hurt. “I told her tricks I’ve invented to hide coins, and scrimp. She must have known she was going to be dismissed. I went back to my room that Friday night, half my savings were gone. 

“I don’t know how to make friends, Verdie. What comes so naturally to most is alien to me. I feel like I am an automaton, viewing the world from behind my own eyes. It’s cold, but I’m rarely lonely. I wonder if everyone is like this. Then only thing that excites me is finding ways to make money. Every coin is a step away from the alley, and towards my dream.”

Somewhere in these eyes…

“I’m on your side.” Verdie wanted to hold her, to warm her heart and be there for her first joyful smile. 

Fall back into place.

Fall back into place.

“I-I-” Breathe, she can’t hear your pounding heart. “I think we could be very good friends!”

Aura dragged her toe in the sand and watch it quickly fill.

“Maybe. Anything is possible.”

****

_ You shall be the pride of the people! Never turn down! Never surrender! _

“You haven’t lost your ears, have you?”

The blonde leaned back, knees open in a distinctly unladylike fashion.

Sweat tickled the back of her neck, her mouth was dry. It wasn’t something that was necessary, but at the same time…

Zareen had large hands for a woman, and arms of pure muscle. She prided herself on more than a daily constitutional. 

She  _ had _ to do it.

“You didn’t say where.” Her voice came out rough, and deep. Thankfully, it went unnoticed. “If it’s the floor, you’ll have to bend far, if-” for the second time today her brain was static.

“Next time I will bring a paddle, but for now-” She stood, walked to a vanity stool, and tossed it to the middle of the room. “You may lay on that.”

Zandra looked at it. It was too small to comfortable, she’ll only have space for her hips, but she looked at those gold eyes that seemed to smirk, Zareen knew that already.

“If-if I do this, then you’ll leave me, and my family alone?”

The princess sighed. “The terms of that have yet to be discussed. This is retraining. It will not stand to have you speak in such intimate and disrespective terms! I shudder to think of the abuse Princess Alice quietly suffered until I arrived. Now I can help her.”

“Is this how you train all your staff?”

“Hardly. They don’t need it. But I’ve taken a special interest in you.”

“How blessed, I am,” she muttered before kneeling, and laying over the stool. Zandra was so preoccupied with finding a comfortable position all she noticed was the sudden draft when her skirts were flung up over her head. “What the devil are you doing?!”

“My! How white your bloomers are! Stolen no doubt.”

“Why would I nick someone’s knickers?!”

“I’m not the career criminal with a warped mind here.”

“I begged to dif-” Smack! “Ah!”

“A count of twenty, I should say. And instead of a Hail Mary, you shall say, princess. And for every mistake a new stroke I should make.”

“Just finish the damn thing.” She gripped the legs of the stool. “Eep!” 

“Finish the damn thing,  _ princess.  _ Now should I count or you?”

“Sadist fied! I’ll count the bloody things,  _ princess! _ ”

“See? The training is working!”

A hard blow felt in the bone. “Three!”

“One,  _ princess. _ ” A softer one.

“One, princess!”

After a few more spanks, and a few pricks of tears, the blows softened. It was enough for her to catch her breath before the strength or the speed increased. They got to twenty, and Zandra sighed. Then the hardest blow of all.

“Damn it! What are you doing?! We got to twenty!” Her bum was smarting and felt bruised.

“Who is the princess here?” Nails bite into her sore flank, a shock ran through her, and tickled her throbbing groin, only pressing her thighs together helped. She didn’t even notice the groan that escaped. It was easier to give in, and she chanted princess, until the sounds melted into moans, and a warmth flooded her so she lost track of reality.

“I don’t hear that “princess!” Zareen quipped. But she had noticed the loss of liveliness in her partner. While she was concerned that she may have gone too far in her fun (for it was the most amusement she had recent memory), she was high on the power she had to render a grown woman senseless. If only her no good husband was so submitted. But now the maid was unresponsive, drooling, and moaning on the stool. If someone were to find her, rumors of a man stalking the remote manor may fly, and she’d lose her chance to find her missing prince. 

“Poor little Al-Zandy, all partied out. You should go to bed.” She lifted the brunette’s head with her foot. The blue eyes were glazed over, and only half open. “Anyone home in there?”

Any time she was out of her room was risky. So it was best to take care of this sober drunk and be on her way. Taking hold under her arms she dragged the woman to the bed and tossed her on, rolling her onto front. Bangs covered her face, so Zareen brushed it away. Her skin was surprisingly soft for a servant girl. Lips shone in the moonlight. She was more than an oddity. Her lashes were thin, like she pulled on them out of habit, but they still curved delicately, and it was hard to tell if they rested on those reddened cheeks. There was just enough of a shadow that… 

She caught herself leaving close. There was no reason for that. With a shake of her head she returned via the abandoned route that brought her there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lady Marguerite! Where are my maids?!" A horny Zareen bursts on the lady.  
> "You gave them the night off." She turned the page to get to the saucy bit.  
> "Why the fuck did I do that?!"  
> "To bugger someone else for once."  
> "Right. The penis is the 4th to last chapter of that book."  
> "I only read for the tits, dear."


	26. Stuffing the Sausage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are in those books Lady M is always reading?

_ Her bosom burst from her bodice like meat from a sausage casing. _

_ “Oh dear!” she tittered, boobing her boobs from side to side to taught him like a babe swinging a bone in front of a dogs nose. “Whatever shall we do?!” _

_ He stood. Manhood tall and proud. “We’re going to stuff ‘ome sausage!” _

“Lady Marguerite, what are you reading?” inquired Princess Alice. 

“Oh, just something my husband bought. He thought it was an instructional book on sausage making.”

“Ah! I did not know he had an interest in such. Wasn’t he a clerk when you wed?”

“Yes, your highness. He now hosts gentlemen’s parties. I think he plans to open a club.”  _ If the bloody idiot can get over a pretty face twenty odd years buried. _

“I think that’s a lovely idea! I’d like to open a charity school myself, but it’s hard to find time between babes.” She gave a weary sigh. “At this point I’d like to permanently retire to the country, but I’d have to give up Apie. It is cruel when the other woman is the nation. How can I hope to compete?”

“Are we talking of mistresses?” Soaked to her frilly chemise, princess Zareen walked over a sand doom toweling her hair. “There’s only two types of women of such low morality as to choose to become a mistress.” She flopped down in a chair and waited for coffee to be poured. “A fool, and a wit. A fool accepts gifts and thinks it’ll never end. A wit knows a lord’s fancy is flightier than the doves and aims to get something that will insure her future income. In any case anyone who throws away the chance for an advantageous marriage is a moron of the highest order.

“Who is your husband Lady Marguerite? I can’t recall you saying?”

Feeling the weight of the awkward situation, Alice was compelled to speak.

“We thought you slept. There was no sign of your this morning.”

“There’s precious little to drink here, so my usual morning ailment was absent; I woke at sunrise to make use of the wide sea. I’ve never had to swim against such a strong current. It was still in the creeks and pools of home. Only a whirlpool in a cove gave me a challenge.

“I thought you were to meet Prince Alexandre here.”

Princess Alice was suddenly afflicted with a mighty thirst. It took her some time to finish her drink before answering, mildly annoyed that Lady Marguerite had returned to her book.

“Originally, we had planned to have him accompany me, however, a few days after seeing me settled in he was called back to the palace. I never dreamed of marrying a prince, so nothing prepared me for how lonely it is to have to share a husband with a country. How do you cope with it, princess Zareen?”

The blonde was distractedly looking around for the person who was supposed to bring her dry clothes.

“I love court! All those upper crusts with their fake smiles thinking I can’t taste poisoned wine. How I laugh! They will pour honied words, and I keep my daggers sharp so when they no longer have a place at my table I will prepare them like a sow.”

“I meant how do you deal with an absent spouse.”

“Oh that!” She paused to do some quick calculations. “How wretched am I! Every day I put on a brave face for those jackals, but everyone knows of my barren bridal chamber!” Never one to successfully cry on cue, she let her hands and fringe cover her face. 

Alice patted her arm.

“It’ll be fine. The gossip-mongers will move on soon enough. Currently, I have no plans to slow the production of royals. Babies are always distracting. And maybe Alex is waiting to give you a house away from the palace.”

Zareen turned away, knowing Lady Marguerite couldn’t give a damn about the dramatics.

“Such a token of love wouldst be treasured in my bosom always, but without birthing an heir, what could I give, save the whole of the love in my body?”

Alice had never dealt with such a… lively person, and felt she was trodding on a log that might roll.

“Prince Alex values privacy above all. I’ve heard he was sickly as a child and spent much time in Bath with the queen’s court. Even to this day he keeps the habit of retiring as often as possible. Mayhaps-”

“A lover’s cove! Of course! Oh how exciting it will be! I’ll need someone good with details, and all the grandest things! There will be no doubt of my devotion to family! I’ll speak with Lord Darnely about who always building little chateaus! And then-”

Lady Marguerite put down her book, and finished the last half of her coffee.

“If I may, princess Zareen.” Her soft voice cut through the princess’s chatter like a sword. “Lord Marguerite has studied furnishing for most of his life. He even has personal contacts in China and America to insure he’s first on all the upcoming trends. He’s been afflicted with a saturnine temperament without steady occupation. ”

“Uh, we would certainly entertain his ideas. Once arrangements are made, we will see if his vision is compatible.

“If I may excuse myself, I will go plan some details.” 

Before she could find a writing desk her maids rushed up to her in breathless excitement with news brought by the washer woman.

“A masquerade, you say,” Zareen pondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, The Making of Sausage is now available for purchase where ever good men fear to tread. Some Dick wrote it.


	27. Midnight Romance Masquerade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if prince and princess were but man and woman?  
> Also Verdie tries to ask a chick out, and chickens out.

No one knew whose manor it was, but as mob rule had taken over it didn’t matter. Wine flowed from vases, curtains fluttered with sea breezes and lover’s trists. The air was thick with exotic smoke, sweet breads, and music fighting to rise above buzz of conversations. No dance cards, or escorts here! Just people meeting people in a rare lack moment away from the struggle of life.

“Smell that ladies?!”

“It smells like no one here bathes,”the green-eyed maid wrinkled her nose.

“It’s freedom! We shall make merry until morn!”

“But what about Lady Marguerite and Princess Alice?” The violet-eye woman asked.

“We’ll bring them some fine fish for dinner, that’ll clear they’re queries. Now, if you have need of me I’ll answer to Sir Dick Turpin.” Zareen tipped her feathered hat, and with a twirl of her saffron silk cape she was off.

Verdie was abuzz. For the first time she could properly show Aura the best she could offer in life. She had spent extra time brushing her hair so it shown, and stole orange water for her neck from her lady. Checking her gloves before opening her mouth.

“How are you at poker?”

Verdie gaped like a fish. “Drink?”

“Yes! We can work out a system so you can tell me what hand they have! Oh, I’m so glad to finally have a partner!” The brunette grabbed her arm and brought her so close Verdie could feel the heat of her soft cheek. She couldn’t quite remember what she was doing so she happily let herself be pulled to a smoky corner.

If the royal court was a house of china dolls kept in glass, this was where the corn husk dolls that were worn and knew how to delight. There were plenty of fresh farm boys with legs like trunks, but tonight she could live the other half of her life. Her charms could change to bait a different fish. Through the lively rooms she moved, looking for just the right type to cast her spell on. Couples were too wrapped in cupid’s gauze to see beyond their mate. Boys gathered in drunken downs playing games where both victor and defeated had to drain their cup. Girls lounged in broods half with their mask already off. 

Raven haired beauties, teasing curls scented with roses, red heads with constellations of freckles, ladies straight like Roman columns, some spilling with loud personalities. 

Oh where to start?

Glass in hand she started on the outskirts of the groups working her tin tongue. Only the truly smashed returned her sentiments. But there was no real challenge. Midnight was fast approaching and all her Cinderellas were falling asleep. Indignation flared up. She refused to be the only one here without someone to bed. 

A few notes of a smooth song floated in on the air. The band had already retired, so someone had to still have some party left in them. In the back of the house lit by candle light alone there was a piano forte facing a balcony. By no means was it a perfect rendition, but it did sound a much loved song learned in childhood, and left behind. Now, note by note it was being picked up and rediscovered for the joy it may still hold.

“It’s rude to try to wake a house with poorly played music.”

The music fell silent.

“I don’t sleep well, and was having too much fun to leave. I can’t believe a silly mask could change...everything!” She lifted her arms like a hawk greeting the day. “I thought I could get away with this.” She ran her fingers over the mirror-like top. 

From behind there wasn’t much to see. An older style dress of loose lavender that could only flare if the ass was generous. It was a good night to be Zareen.

“I’ll be going,” sighed the woman as she stood, but she jumped back when she turned. “You’re a man!”

“Yes,” beamed the blonde pleased by her costume, and pitched voice.

“And you’re handsome!”

“Why, yes. Yes, I am.” She twisted in the mirror to admire the slight.

“This is wonderful!”

“Ye- uh, why is it wonderful?”

The lady rushed over and gripped her arms with strength uncommon for a woman.

“Don’t you see?! I’m a woman!”

This was a very strange game Zareen had walked in. In the dark she could see pale eyes wild behind black lace that served as a mask that disappeared into a tangle of curls.

“A delicate maiden, a rare treasure that only the magic of midnight could bring to my humble eyes.” Zareen bowed with practiced flare.

“Ah! Romance! You’re trying to woo me! And it’s working! I feel it!” The woman twirled and began pacing. “All this time I’ve been so worried! Oh, I knew it! I knew it! Nothing’s wrong with me! I should have done this years ago!” 

Suddenly this was less about Zareen living her fantasy of seducing a lady and more deducing if she was safe with an unhinging loony. 

“Oh how my heart yearns to leap from my bosom to join home in your as if time were no obstacle! While in our mind we are strangers this night, our souls know each other like a worn glove knows it’s hand!”

“As false as those words are, I long for them to be true! As you wear the gaiety of a harlequin, we shall follow the script! Just for the night I shall be a blushing maid, and you shall be my courtier. Under a lover’s moon we shall exchange that tongue that can only manifest with aid of night’s breath, and wine’s bracing!”

Zareen was still thinking about that when she was dragged off to the balcony.

“We must dance! Dance feeds passion, and poetry the food of love!” She had all the exuberance of a wee lass green with envy as she watched her older sister’s debuts. But she wrapped her arm around the blonde’s waist. Her brow furrowed. “That’s not right.” To correct it she shoved the wrong hand on her hip. She still wasn’t pleased.

“Allow me, mistress. See, a gentleman bows like so, and the lady curt-” the poor thing looked like she would fall over. Maybe she wasn’t used to a corset. “And if I may.” Arms posed to take a feminine form. Yet the woman stood unsure, but determined. Fists balled, eyes closed, a held breath she crashed into her partner. The princess noted the easy at which the bust was crushed, like no flesh was filling the dress. But her arms caught her nonetheless and held her closer than was decent. 

“See? Now we can stay like this until our flesh becomes one, then we shall petrify when love grows cold and they shall find us as a pillar in Venus’s temple.” 

Space was forced between them.

“A waltz. Just one.”

“My body is yours to which as you please.” A wink to hint of how far the meaning went.

“Oo! That’s working! Ha! I’m working! Quickly!” Hastily, she tried to force the start of the dance.

“No, no, no. There’s no rushing here. Listen to the ocean. How it pulses against the hard stones.” She eased them into the steps of the dance. “Every second of every day it works the slick boulders. Each gentle caress builds on the other until the rock breaks, shattering into the glittering sands.” 

“Very strange talk for a man. And I don’t rocks shatter-”

“Sh, your lips make the most alluring shapes.”

“You desire me?”

_ Damn! This one was direct. _

“I am your slave. How am I to do anything save map your every feature? Your lips, your hair, your eyes? I shall have them engraved on my heart, and burned behind my lids so that your lovely visage shall follow me to dreams, or to day. For truth! My heart is so full I cannot tell if I sweetly slumber or not!”

The woman snorted with laughter so hard she doubled over with a deep belly laugh more befitting a man in a pub.

“You’re as full as a month neglected stabled!”

“Oi!” Indignation colored her face. No one laughed at a princess! But… she wasn’t a princess. Was she? As far as the woman wiping tears from her face was concerned, she was no one. Just someone who had made her laugh. Zareen had never made anyone laugh before. Maybe she liked it. If it was this girl.

“I’m sorry, but I can only imagine such language could only be spoken falsely or for humor!”

“You wound me, miss. Romance blooms in the blush of every young maid’s bud, yet you throw back my tender words. How might one hope to gain entry to a lady’s heart if it’s lock is so frozen?”

She giggled behind her glove. “I’ve scorned a gentleman! I never! Ha! Come! The beach! There is but one last fantasy I wish before I serve God and King!” With practiced easy Zareen was spirited away. Shadows blinded her, but the moonlit fairy ran without abating until she had reached the glowing beach. There her sprite shed her shoes, and lifted her skirt to reveal...short stockings. That was unexpected

“My lady,” the blonde blinked, “What are your intentions?”

“Bare your feet, sir. You shall pursue me, and I shall be won!”

“Oh so I simply must catch you and earthly delights be mine?”

“If you catch me!” Before Zareen could untie shoe one the blue-eyed maid dashed over sand and surf, spraying rainbows in her wake. Tripping over the loose ground, Zareen stumbled forward grasping the lingering mirth. How neatly her borrowed shoes fell in the disappearing footprints! Legs moved with unknown freedom in pantaloons, it wasn’t long before she was sprayed by the mist behind the laughing woman. With the break of a wave she leapt and caught the woman by the waist, pulling them down into sand. In the thrill of the moment Zareen forgot herself and giggled as hard as her partner. Their tears joined the sea as it swelled against them.

“Oh pitiful moon! She’s hiding. The heavens turn its back to us. How dare they!”

Zareen watch the covered eyes flash from sorrow to anger.

“They’re envious.” She nestled her face into the neck clammy with sweat, and placed a kiss.

“Is it not nature’s very own rule?!”

Zareen slid her hand under the many petticoats, blindly feeling for the garters.

“Nature’s demand or else death.”

“Ah! Wait! No! I can’t!” The tryst was broken up. The woman twisting a finger of her left glove.

“But can you stop here? Would you risk leaving this night without the answer you braved this temple of debauchery for? Would it not eat at your very mind? What if? What if? I promise, my lady, I hold that very lock pick that open the gate to so many wonders, and there would be no evidence of the rust being disturbed!” 

“No, it’s not that-” Then Zareen noticed the lumps at the base of the gloves.

“Oh, maiden! Deny that your heart, most precious of gifts, is promised to another!”

“You could say that.”

“Then all the more reason to give me but one night while the rest of your days you shall give your heart and body to your intended, and your soul to God!”

“If only it were so simple. But while my loyalty is to my church and my country I could not bear the burden of knowing I had sunk as low as that. If a wife cannot stay pure is it not the responsibility of the husband?”

Reenie was confused, growing cold, and horny. 

“So I shall not see that most precious of pearls locked away in what must surely be a dripping-”

“Hush man! You’re as foul mouthed as those letters!”

“But-!” She found her teeth struck as a mouth crashed into and her back clawed at. The woman kissed as if she had been drowning her entire life and finally found air, and found it sweet. Truly, it had been so long since last the princess had shared her lips with another, she found it a task that needed relearning, and took her time. It wasn’t how she planned to spend her evening, but she had no objections. Just as their activities had warmed her, her partner torn away.

“I’ll be missed! I must go! While my face will blur and morph into a dozen or so you’ve already loved and will love again, know I shall treasure this night in my bosom always!” She skittered over the sand.

“You need not hold the memory, when I will gladly keep such a place!” Zareen called in vain, but her lady was gone, disappeared into the night that birthed her.

Meanwhile, Aura was very pleased with the night.

“Look! We cleaned them out!” The cold coins flowed from her fingers and clattered on the wine stained table. “You’re the best partner I’ve ever had!” She flung her arms around Verdie and left the maid breathless. “Now, let’s talk about the split. Of course ten-”

“Um, swee-sweetie? We should find Sir Dick.”

“Who? Oh yes, her.” Her nose wrinkled for a moment. “Do you think we’ll get a raise this nonsense?”

“Oh, um, some-sometimes there are just fringe benefits to the job.” Verdie’s eyes were hopeful as they longed for some hint that the feelings she hid in her heart had a twin in Aura’s.

“Yeah,” She looked down, almost shyly. “I guess this is like a bonus!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever meet that one chick, and she cray, but you're all, "Imma love and cherish that so hard! I'm semi-hard in my heart!"  
> Yeah, it be like that.  
> And over here Margie is all, "if you what that ass, grab it. Lesbians be fleeting"


	28. Sexy Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sisters send letters, and Princess Alex learns a horrible truth.

_ Dearest Sister, _

_ No words can fully express my shock to hear our dear little princess has yet to give the queen an heir! Given her nature I had expected her legs to spring open as soon as she left my side, and every male in the vicinity to fall in leaving the whole Christian world to question if any of her children were her husband’s. The delay in the matter has us all perplexed and gravely worried. My dear queen would have flown on Mercury’s wings ages ago if I had not soothed her worried brow. Yet, I fear I shan't be able to contain her for much longer.  _

_ It reminds me of that ominous, and mysterious prophecy of yours.  _

_ “Your princess shall bare no child of the prince.” _

_ Mother always thought there was the air of Delphi to you, now I have to wonder. Here I am working day and night to care and raise Dee Dee’s beautiful children and the only insight I’ve had is children are the most ungrateful demons ever spawn, and that must be the reason for Eve’s betrayal, yet you sit as the pampered pet of that court reading those cheap, sensational novels, and sipping foreign coffees to discover truths that remain hidden to even those that possess them! And don’t do that! I know when you roll my eyes. You are pampered! If you ever had a real day of work you’d know what fatigue really is! How can you expect me to sympathize with someone who has to stay up to tend a single person when I no sooner lay down than it’s time to soothe a nightmare, or answer Dee Dee’s call? As you well know, I am the only one she  _ **_truly_ ** _ trusts. Oh the nights we had when Princess Reva disappeared! I’m haunted still by that final letter I got from our sister Magan. She said not to worry, but no one just vanishes without there being some tragedy! Still, I like to think that’s what make Dee Dee and I so close, we both lost a sister that night.  _

_ Rumor has it that Prince Alexandre is cold to his wife. You have his ear better than anyone. I hate to think that you’ve failed to shelter that girl whom I love so. You know all her faults and shines as well as myself, and know that she does not deserve such scorn. A single word from you and my heart will be at ease that you’re coaching her in the ways of a wife. After all, I did all I could to prepare her for her place at court, but as you have a husband you have an advantage over myself in such things.  _

_ Husbands! Ha! I still don’t know what they’re good for, save dying and leaving a warm house. Do tell me how my brother-in-law is. Still selfishly weeping in bed is he? I swear! There are some men born with the soul of a woman, and vice versa! I have the fortification of men twice my size, yet your husband spends days on his vanity!  _

_ Ever yours, _

_ Pearl _

_ Dear Sister, _

_ Paul is fine.  _

_ Blessings, _

_ Margie _

_ Dear Brother Apa, _

_ How wise you were! Why in a single night the ocean air cleared all doubts and sin from my mind! I am renewed! I ride this morn to return your wife, and reclaim the court with avenagence!  _

_ Gratefully, _

_ A. _

“Darling! You naughty thing! I traveled to the sea to find you, only to hear you’ve snuck away back here!” Zareen wrapped her fur draped arms around her newly discovered husband who was seated behind his desk with Lord Douglas at his side. “Can’t you feel how cold my bosom grows without you near?” She pressed his ear to her said flat bosom.

“A covering would remedy that. Never mind where I went or why. I found my peace and returned early to the disappointment of my sister.”

“Naturally you were ignorant of my seeking you, and your flow back to be in my loving arms!” The prince’s ear was growing numb.

“If I agree to your delusion, will you release my head from this torture?”

Lord Douglass chuckled. “I told you, your highness. ‘Tis no good trying to go on a honeymoon without yer wife.” 

“No, honeymoon. Just a chance to find my way with God.”

“And tonight it’d only be natural for you to spend the night with me so I can show you the ways I found in a discrete party I attended with just friends.”

The prince turned pale.

“Lord Douglas, you’re dismissed. Lady Marguerite, attend closer.” Once it was just the three of them, he pushed his wife’s lack of feminine features away and demanded answer from Lady Marguerite, “Did she attend a masquerade?!” 

“I be-”

“I can answer for myself!” The blonde rested her hands on her widen hips. “Yes! I went to a masquerade! I went in disguised as to not embarrass you! I wouldn’t need to stoop so low dress like the common folk and-!”

Alexandre grew impossibly pale. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” He begged his longest companion.

“You never hired me to spy on anyone. You specifically said, you don’t don’t care what your wife does so long as you can focus on the kingdom.”

“You know naught what you’ve done!” He bellowed, then doubled over, grasping his head. “Oh God! What have  _ I  _ done!”

“My lord, you look ill, shall I fetch your doctor?” asked Lady Marguerite.

“No, no.” Princess Zareen removed her cloak and covered him. “I shall nurse him myself!” Before she could embrace him, he pushed back, to stand his full height. 

“I don’t need a doctor! I need salvation!” He rushed out and ran through the halls to the private, royal church. Every inch was covered in the plundered wealth of foreign crusades. In the back away from the chapel was a confession booth fit for a king. Prince Alexandre had spent so much time in the cramp box his knees buckled as he opened the door, and he’s arm already cocked to cross himself before the door was locked behind him. 

“My God,I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In his name, my God, have mercy. _ ” _

“What are these sins, my child?”

“My heart has turned from serving my God and country and lusted for a woman!”

“And who is this woman who has planted this craven seed?”

“What does it matter?! I’ve sinned and my soul cannot bear the weight!”

“In order to calculate the gravity of the sin, it is necessary to know it’s root.”

The prince pressed his forehead against wood, and mumbled. 

“Heaven needs to hear you, son.”

“The princess! My wife! I’ve-oh the beach! The damned moon, and the wine-”

“Most serious indeed. Then you must take hold of your wife and pour this sinful lust into her body. A month if need be. Pump her over and over until there is no more sin in your balls- I mean body. One hail Mary, then you can come over here and get started.” The priest’s voice grew familiar, so Prince Alexandre ripped open the confessional to find his wife lewdly waiting for him.

“Ready to get started?” She batted her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Temptation vibes anyone? Do people use confessional booths for non-sexy things?

**Author's Note:**

> May or may not be based on an actual royal couple.


End file.
